Another Thought From the Porch

It’s the last day of February. I’m not sure if there’s a technical term for it, but tomorrow is my first day of Spring. They have “meteorological Spring” whatever that is. Then there’s the true start of Spring, the equinox. I’m just going to claim March 1st as my start of Spring. I never was very good at waiting after the long month of February…

The porch was a little wet this morning. I don’t know whether it’s from an overnight storm or just the thickness of the humidity in the air. So, I found a semi-dry spot to rest my feet and, like Margaret likes to say, “I had coffee with God”. I talked with my Higher Power for a bit and really tried to listen, but the day’s “to do” list kept creeping in, making it difficult. I’m better at quieting my mind and listening, but I realize I have a long way to go when it comes to being an active listener, whether it be in personal relationships or spiritual matters.

As many of you know, grace and desperation brought me to recovery rooms a little over twelve years ago. One of the promises given to me was that if I followed the suggestions of those who were farther down the road, I would have a spiritual awakening. My life would be transformed as a result of that awakening because I know longer sought to do things my way and act on my will: which always brought pain, failure, and conflict with others. Instead, I would seek out God’s will, let that Higher Power lead me down the path, and find a degree of  happiness, joy, and freedom. Over the last twelve years, that awakening, that transformation has happened in my life and for that I’m truly grateful.

The deeper the awakening though, the more I realize I suffer from spiritual narcolepsy. I get tired or simply complacent. All the old thoughts creep in and I become hard-headed, unwilling to listen, and difficult to be around. “They” become the problem and I slip back into “terminal uniqueness”. The spiritual naps have gotten shorter but they haven’t gone away by any means. And I still have that rebellious streak…

And now that you have a little background I hope you’ll stick around for the rest of the story. I’m not as unique as I thought, nor does being “awakened” mean I have a better handle on the journey. I just travelling down the road and I hope we can walk together…






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