Category: Christianity

Christianity, Recovery, Spirituality, Texas

Bluebonnets

gregoryjoel

Now that Spring is in full bloom I keep an eye out for bluebonnets. If you’re not from Texas you may not appreciate the significance of that. Bluebonnets are not only the state flower, but make driving around our crazy freeway system here tolerable. There’s patches of amazement amid the maze of traffic snarls and road construction. Yesterday, I saw my first bluebonnets. Just a small patch mind you, but it’s a precursor to the beauty that’s coming.

Even though the freeways and interstates will be transformed for a few weeks, I need to drive a little further if I want to see the full beauty of Spring. Those from here will tell you that the way to truly appreciate God’s glory is to take a drive out in the country; especially if you’re headed for the Hill country. If the stress of city living gets to much it can be alleviated by a short twenty-minute drive. If you take time, that is…

Taking time is in short supply these days. Busyness has become a way of life. I know, because all to often, I play right along. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the ongoing activity of daily life and forget the importance of “easy does it”. I begin to worry about what “I” have to do to make things happen. I forget that all God asks me for my cooperation in the unfolding nature of life. He’s already taken care of the results.

I got up this morning with a full list of things I need to do today. There’s people coming to work on the house, Saturday chores to be done, things to do in the yard, and blah, blah, blah… but God had other plans. Our contractor’s sub turned out to be a friend. We sat on the porch, drinking coffee and talked about the important stuff going-on in our lives – families, recovery, and listening to God’s voice. The work to be done lost its priority. It’ll get done. But sharing friendship and the miracles taking pace in our lives? Those are the moments to be treasured.

One of my favorite things Jesus said (and I tend to forget) is this: “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the  table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There’s far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on you body… Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers… The ten best-dressed men and women look shabby alongside them”.

“If God gives such attention the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never seen – don’t you think He will attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you? What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving… Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” (Matthew 6:37-33 The Message)

It dawned on that some items on the ”to-do” list will still get done today.  Those that don’t will go on another day. The guys will get the work done on the house. It’s all good. Maybe I should have another cup of coffee and head down a country road. The bluebonnets have arrived…

Christianity, Recovery, Spirituality, Uncategorized

From Here to Kingdom Come…

gregoryjoel

Thoughts From the Porch: Spring is finally here! The Dogwood across the street is covered in reddish-pink blossoms and the first shoots of green beans and yellow squash pushed through the garden soil. Winter reminded me that its passing isn’t too far gone though. It’s still a bit chilly this morning, at least until the sun’s fully up.

I love my mornings. I’m thrilled to be in my little place of refuge here in Fort Worth. I was born here and will probably be here when the Lord calls me home. I love being from Texas. My father used to say there were only two types of people in the world, “people from Texas and everyone who wishes they were”. I know he was joking. At least I think so…

Yet, as much as I love my residence here, I’ve come to find my true home. It’s been a long journey to this place in my life. I took a lot of detours and side roads before finding a path that works. Much of that has to do with recovery from the disease of addiction. Had I not suffered from a malady of mind, body, and soul I might have continued to walk aimlessly. It introduced me to a real relationship with God and put my feet on a more spiritual path.

I haven’t yet achieved sainthood or enlightenment and for that, I’m grateful. I hope I never become so “spiritually fit that I’m of no earthly good”. Yet, the spiritual path offers me a place to be centered. I stray occasionally (well, more than occasionally…) but I don’t feel as lost as often. It’s easier to find the path again when I do veer off.

My mornings here on the porch help me find the center; help me find the way home. I’m can become easily distracted and preoccupied with everything going on in my life. Yet the simple act of quiet and solitude brings me back to what’s really important: living from my center. I may have a long “To Do” list and a myriad of distractions but I can stay on the path if I’m willing. Willingness, for me, comes down to remembering where my true home and my citizenship is. I may love Fort Worth, but the “Kingdom of Heaven” is where my true residence is; and if that’s the case I need to be about following the will of the King.

I grew up in an ultra-conservative, fundamentalist Christian home. From an early age I remember hearing about the “Good News”, but to be honest, it never sounded good to me. The long list of “dos” and “don’ts”, never being able to measure up to impossible standards of piety, only fueled depression, resentment, and isolation. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered my understanding was given by “well-meaning, but misinformed people”.

The real “Good News” is God’s kingdom is here and grace allows me to be a part of it. The cool thing about it is the transformation taking place in my life. As a citizen of that kingdom I trust the King to look out for His citizen’s (therefore my) best interests, and as a good citizen I ask for “His will, not mine”.

Amazing things begin to take place. Life is easier; not because the world changed, but because I have. My perception is different. My stress level drops and my ability to love and be of service to others rises. I’m no longer depressed, resentful, and isolated. I’m part of a community. I have friends. I have a burning desire to share the “Good News”: not to offer future rewards, but present realities; to have life “abundantly”. Now that’s really good news…

So, I sit here this morning reveling in the birth of Spring, grateful for being home…

Christianity, Recovery, Spirituality

Symbols

gregoryjoel

Thoughts From the Porch: Tomorrow is the astronomical first day of Spring. It’s the unofficial birth certificate for a new season of green grass, new blooms, and, if you live here in Texas, the coming of the bluebonnets. I keep hearing the tender voice of the Teacher saying “behold, I make all things new”. I love Spring…

Today started slowly for me. Not because it’s the dreaded “Monday morning” mind you. Today begged for a slow awakening to the coos of the morning doves and the chatter of the mockingbird on the streetlight across the way. I lingered on the porch a little longer than usual and reveled in the day. Spring Break is over here in Fort Worth. Kids are back in school. I could hear the Star Bangled banner and morning announcements playing over the speakers from the school down the street. I may have a long “to-do” list today, but I lingered anyway.

I suppose it’s because Easter will soon be here, the celebration of resurrection came to mind. It’s ironic that the cross became the dominant symbol in Christianity. Historically, it’s based on the vision of the cross that Emperor Constantine claimed led him to victory; and thus, led to conversion and Christianity as the state religion of Rome. That’s probably more information than you needed but suffice it to say that early Christians didn’t focus too much on it. Just saying…

I’m not saying crosses are bad. They make an attractive piece of jewelry and great art. They’re a good reminder of how much God loves us and the sacrifice Jesus made for us. Yet, I wonder if folks concentrate on the wrong symbol. I’d much rather concentrate on life than death. Maybe I should have a stone necklace or empty tombs as artwork on the wall. You know, to remind me I’ve been reborn: that I don’t have to live like I used to; bound up by my resentments and fears. Still, I guess stones around my neck would be too heavy and empty tombs would leave holes in the wall.

It’s easier to remember the crucifixion than the resurrection. I choose to remember resurrection today. I celebrate new life today. Maybe that’s why I’m out on the porch so long today. It’s a pause for the quiet celebration. This morning is a reminder of grace.

I probably harp on grace and its natural outcome, gratitude, far too much. The more I experience God’s grace, the more I experience gratitude, and the more I want to share that grace. So please bear with me, gentle reader, but I can’t help it. Besides, life seems so much simpler when experienced with grace and gratitude…

I guess I’ve come to see different symbols of grace in my life today. The empty tomb of Easter morning is more indicative of my life today than a cross. I want to be a “resurrection person” today. I want to be full of the joy and freedom that comes with this new life. I want to “have life abundantly”. I believe it’s possible.

My prayer this morning is that because I’ve received this new life, this grace, I will in turn become more “grace-full”: less judgmental and more forgiving, less sarcastic and more affirming, less fearful and more vulnerable.

I’m not going to wait to celebrate Easter. I think I’ll start today…

Christianity, Recovery, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Intersections

gregoryjoel

Thoughts From the Porch: It’s getting a little warmer every day. The Saint Augustine grass is making its appearance amidst the winter rye. Each passing day reveals new buds, blades, and leaves. The birds begin their singing earlier in the morning. Spring is waiting to burst. I love the anticipation. All is well here in our little corner of Fort Worth.

Sitting here it’s easy to forget the world beyond our cul-de-sac. Margaret and I are blessed to live here. We have friends and neighbors who just show up at our door and make themselves at home with us. Our life is full: full of people we’re grateful to have in our lives, full of peace, and above all, full of grace. It’s easy to share this with you because I want to share the blessings. I’ve come to understand what is meant by “you can’t keep it unless you give it away. Many of you know what I’m talking about.

Despite the quiet of our “little corner”, there’s a great big world out there where peace, serenity, and grace are difficult to find at best. All I have to do is drive a few blocks and everything changes. When I come to a nearby intersection, I see the guy standing there with the sign “Lost Everything. Please help. God Bless.”, I’m confronted by the reality that, to paraphrase a Sturgill Simpson song, “life ain’t fair and the world is mean”.

All too often, I find myself looking past the face of the man on the corner. I sit and hope for the stoplight to change so I can drive off before he gets to me as he walks down the line of cars stopped at the light. I usually drive off feeling guilty because I’ve been there and did nothing to help. I try to rationalize my failure to see the man as another one of God’s kids and extend the same grace given to me.

I can’t solve homelessness, poverty, or any one of the world’s myriad of problems. I’ve tried and felt drained, tired, and worthless. It’s overwhelming and I suffer from the same problem many of us do. If I can’t do it all, I just won’t do anything. The problem is that the problem doesn’t go away, and I’ve become part of the problem. So, I feel trapped in an endless cycle of guilt, doubt, and helplessness.

One thing I’ve learned from the people God has put in my life is that guilt, doubt, and hopelessness lie to me. I can’t do everything, but I can do something. My friend Edgar often reminds me “the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time”. Moreover, “the good news” tells me that I don’t have to do any of this alone. I have access to a spirit and a power far greater than I that allows me to do things differently today, even if the changes and the actions seem so small.

Several years ago, I was blessed with doing several community projects with a group of young people from a local church, The Hills. For one of them, the young people gave up their Spring Break to build a community garden for the residents in a transitional housing facility assisting members of the HIV/AIDS community. My friend Rusty, who helped coordinate the project, asked me to speak to the kids and their parents about the project: to alleviate any fears they may have about being around people with AIDS. There’s many misconceptions about HIV/AIDS. I know because through first-hand experience. I was a resident there… not that different form the guy on the corner I talked about earlier…

I addressed the group, telling them that sometimes people who are homeless, who have disabilities, or health issues, and live marginalized lives just want to be “seen”. They, or rather “we” just want acknowledgement of our humanity. Most folks are uncomfortable around us. They look away so they won’t have to see the disabilities or dirty clothes and unkempt hair. They hurry past us, reminding us that they’re not like us, and everything else is more important than the simple acknowledgement we’re there. Sometimes, the mere act of acknowledgement, to “see”, another is the greatest act of love someone can perform.

God has been exceedingly good to me in the years since I spoke to the kids and their parents. I’m in recovery. I have a relationship with God. I’ve been blessed with an incredible wife, a house, food to eat, and far more friends than I ever could have imagined. I have “enough”. My needs are met and usually exceeded; and I tend to forget what it’s like to be one of the unseen. If I’m truly grateful for the life I’ve been given today, then I can’t forget, nor do I want to.

I’ve got some errands to run today. They’ll take me by the guy at the intersection. I hope there’s a red light and my vision is clear…

Christianity, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Monday morning…

gregoryjoel

We went to lunch with my father-in-law and his fiancé yesterday. He asks me where my “Thoughts From the Porch”. I explained that I try not to post anything on the weekends. I’m trying to learn how to observe the “sabbath”: the idea of resting from my regular labors, staying home with my wonderful wife, and “piddling” around the house. I still spend quiet time on the porch, usually before everyone else is up, and start my day. There’s something special about that rectangular piece of concrete where I sit and take in the day God has given me.

There’s something about this peaceful front porch, in my quiet little cul-de-sac: something spiritual. It’s no wonder that when our friends stop by for coffee on Sunday morning, we’ve come to calling it “Having church”. It’s sure different from the church I grew up in, and a heck of a lot more spiritual. I don’t mean to bash church services as most people understand. It’s just that something happens there on the porch that doesn’t happen in the “worship services” I grew up with. Whether it’s by myself, with Margaret, or our friends there’s a spirit of shalom, that of wholeness, harmony, and well-being, resides here. I’m under no illusion that it’s nothing other than God’s grace that makes it that way. Margaret and I simply make it available.

I was sitting there this morning, sipping coffee, and smoking the first cigarette (yes, I know you thought I quit. I still indulge, though Margaret’s finally a non-smoker…) of the day and I thought about all the faces of family and friends that have blessed our porch over the last few years. I thought about the people I don’t see as often, and I grieved over the one’s who have moved away or passed away. There’s been more of the latter category this year.

I also thought of the new faces I’ve come to see over the last year. I’m truly amazed by God’s sense of balance. Winter friends pass on and new ones appear. Life goes on. I’m grateful and at peace.

I’ll go inside to start working in a bit. The pace will quicken and the quiet of the morning will be replaced by the buzz of the “to do” list: phone calls to be made, projects to be finished and appointments to be kept. Periodically throughout the day, I’ll think of this morning on the porch and of the friends I’ve been there with. I’ll remember and smile. Aren’t Mondays great?