Category: Spirituality

Anniversaries, Children, Connection, Emotional Health, Faith, Generations, Grace, Gratitude, Grief, Letting Go, Love, Patience, Prayer, Relationships, Self-Acceptance, Spirituality, Stories, Thoughts From the Porch

May 29th…

gregoryjoel

I haven’t written much this month. May is not one of my favorite months. Although I love springtime at the farm, it tends to be emotionally draining for me and my family (I think I drain them…). You see, my youngest son, Jeremy died on May 29th, 2020. It’s been six years and I still have a hard time with every anniversary. I miss him every day, but the 29th is the most difficult of all.

You would think I’d be better at figuring out why I’m suddenly distracted with day-to-day work, forgetful (more than usual…), and feeling overwhelmed. It’s usually the week before the 29th that the light bulb comes on and I have to go and make amends to those I’ve been short with. Fortunately, I have some wonderful people in my life who understand I’m why I’m not handling everyday interactions very well, showing me much more grace than I feel I deserve.

One thing I’ve learned over the last six years is that grief has no expiration date. Well meaning friends have given me the space to grieve but they don’t always understand why the feelings are so strong after six years. They don’t come right out and say it, but it often feels like they think I should be “over it” by now. Grief has a way of distorting reality. I’m sure no one (well, at least most people) really thinks ill of my grief. I often must remind myself that feelings are not facts.

Last year I started writing a collection of stories about Jeremy and I. I’ve shared the first couple of them with my friends and readers. The others have been slow in coming. Writing time is a prized possession around here. My wife, my home, and the farm fill my cup to overflowing, leaving little room for the reflection honest storytelling requires, especially when it comes to being honest about my own demons and an often turbulent, yet tight, relationship with my son. They’ve been full of ups and downs, joy and despair, but I hope to share more of those stories as the coming year allows.

Just for today, I’ll let the feelings come. I’ve been told that grief becomes easier to bear as time goes by. I’m not sure it gets easier, but I know it gets different. I’m often reminded of all the joy Jeremy brought into the world – my world – but there’s always a deep sense of loss underneath the surface. Maybe that’s a good thing. It’s also a reminder that I get to honor Jeremy and the God who loves me by how I celebrate each day through my family and my work. Moreover, I’m constantly reminded that the loss is only temporary in the grand scheme of things – that one day we’ll all be together again in a world free of the tears that this world so often has.

So folks, if I’m a bit melancholy and irritable today, please allow me my feelings and know it’s a hard day for me. Maybe if we could all remember that everyone has difficulties in life we may not see, we could all be a little more patient and loving towards others. That would sure make living easier for all of us. Please remember too, that sometimes the greatest gift one can give to a grieving person is their simple, silent presence. There are no words of comfort, only the reminder that we are loved.

Bad Weather, Community, Down On the Farm, Farmers Markets, Food Justice, Gardening, Gratitude, Health, Neighbors, Non-Profits, Opal's Farm, Service to Others, Social Justice, Spirituality, Springtime, Storms, Thoughts From the Porch, Unity Unlimited, Inc., Urban Farming, Volunteers

What’s Your Impact?

gregoryjoel

It’s severe storm season in North Texas. I pray everyone stayed safe through last night’s intense thunderstorms. There were reports of a tornado and the warnings hit here right before bedtime, so I stayed up late until after the storm passed. Fortunately, our area was spared the bulk of high winds and tennis ball-size hail that so many saw. That wasn’t the case for many of our neighbors. I’ll be leaving in a bit to check on the farm. At least I won’t have to irrigate today. Spring rain is fantastic for the farm – severe storms, not so much…

We couldn’t be at the Cowtown Farmers Market yesterday morning, especially since it was Cowtown’s Spring Festival. Fidelity Investments and their Associate Sustainability Network have been coming to the farm to volunteer on the last Saturday of the month for two years now and they’ve been such a wonderful partner to Opal’s Farm, providing tools and financial support as well as strong backs and willing hands. They brought their largest group yet and many hands make short work of all the work springtime demands of the farm. We thank them so much for their commitment to service for the Opal’s Farm community.

We’ve been blessed with so many wonderful volunteer groups over the years. One of the questions I’m often asked from both volunteers and future donors regards our community impact. To be perfectly honest, I can tell you how many pounds of food per acre we provide, how that translates into the number of meals, or the other quantitative metrics we put on a spreadsheet, but that’s not the whole story. The real impact has to be experienced. It’s one thing to see numbers on paper. It’s quite another thing to see the faces of our neighbors so happy to see us providing fresh, healthy produce that hasn’t been in the neighborhood for a long time.

We opened Opal’s Farm Stand at the corner of Rosedale and Evans three weeks ago. The weather hasn’t always cooperated with us, but yesterday afternoon was a gorgeous, albeit windy, Saturday. We had more folks come by the farm stand and the overwhelming response to our presence was pure joy. Three of our senior citizens came by and were thrilled they could use their SNAP benefits to get twice the amount veggies for their dollar with the Double Up Food Bucks program (Thanks Texas Health Community Hope for making this possible!). I can’t tell you who has been more blessed by the program – SNAP recipients or me – especially when I tell them we’ll be there every Saturday afternoon from 1 PM to 4 PM. We love being part of our community.

No, numbers on paper don’t tell the whole story. I want our volunteers to know that every weed pulled, load of much laid, tomatoes trellised and pruned – all the things that seem so trivial – really do have a huge impact on the community. They represent one more healthy, organic, nutritious veggie on the tables of our neighbors instead of the ultra-processed empty calories provided by local dollar and convenience stores. Healthy food makes healthy people and that impact goes far beyond what can be shown on a page.

Thank you all so much for your help and please know that the time you spend at Opal’s arm is making a tangible difference in the lives of your neighbors – and we’re all neighbors!

Anniversaries, Culture, Events, Friendship, Gifts, Gratitude, Grief, Spirituality, Thoughts From the Porch

Happy Anniversary Fort Works Art

gregoryjoel

Fort Worth’s Near Southside held Gallery Night a couple of weeks ago. Fort Works Art, which represented my son Jeremy several years before his death, held their tenth anniversary on the famed Gallery night. They curated many of the artists who have been a part of the last ten years and included some of Jeremy’s work. Jay Wilkinson, Jeremy’s former business partner and family friend, and a phenomenal artist, painted a grand portrait of Jeremy as “The Painter” and took a moment for this picture of my grandkids and himself in front of his piece.

Top: Jay Wilkinson and our grandkids in front of Jay’s work “The Painter”

Below:Jeremy’s piece announced the 10th anniversary

I just want to say thank you for an incredible evening for Margaret and our family. It’s a happy reminder of Jeremy’s place in the Fort Worth art community and that he’s not forgotten but lives on through his work and his friends. Five years after hissing passing I still bear the grief with comes with such a loss,  but days like this remind me of the joy he brought to others as well as his family.

Thank you for showing some of Jeremy’s work

Belief, Bible, Christian Mysticism, Christianity, Easter, Events, Faith, Grace, Gratitude, Hope, Jesus, Love, Quotes, Recovery, Resurrection, Spirituality, Thoughts From the Porch

Remembering the Stone

gregoryjoel

A blessed Easter morning to all! I’ve been thinking a lot about Easter this past week. It was never a religious holiday in our home when I was growing up. My Church of Christ upbringing prohibited the celebration of “religious” holidays if the specific date wasn’t mentioned in the Bible. I pointed out to them that we knew when Easter was because of the Hebrew calendar and Passover celebration. They simply said the Bible didn’t say anything about “celebrating” Easter. Henceforth, since there was no such thing as a liturgical calendar (way too Catholic- those heathens!), Christmas and Easter should be relegated to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny with no mention of Jesus. It wasn’t until many years later that my own spiritual journey led me to a much different view of such things.

Easter and the resurrection of Jesus began to take on true spiritual meaning for me some twenty years ago. That’s I found recovery from the alcohol and addiction that had plagued me for many years. I’m not one for “war stories” about the years prior to December 1, 2005, but suffice it to say that failure, degradation, separation from all things spiritual, and loneliness had become my way of life. Not for the sake of having tried to leave those ways behind, mind you. If I had a dollar for every time I quit or tried rehab, I’d be a wealthy, but probably dead man.

In the twelve step programs I’d tried they all talked about hitting bottom and I was there. A friend once asked me where the bottom was. When I replied I didn’t know, he said that it’s wherever I “put down the shovel”. So, I did. I simply quit digging. That’s when I learned what Easter is all about – resurrection.

I certainly don’t have all the answers nor the right to advise others on their spiritual life and a relationship with the God of their understanding, but my experience is that resurrection is real. I was dead, but now I’m alive. I’m alive because God loved me long before I loved myself. Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead on that first Easter morning to offer new life to me.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

I used to wear a cross necklace as if the cross and the crucifixion were the most important things to remember. I’m not talking smack about cross necklaces, but I think I needed a new perspective on my reality. It wasn’t the cross I needed to focus on (although that was a necessary step in the process), but the stone that was rolled away from the tomb to allow a new, resurrected life to rise for everyone. Unfortunately, a stone is a bit too big to wear around my neck. I should know. I wore several for a long time, just not the same reason…

Today I want to be an Easter person, a resurrection person. I’ve been blessed in more ways than I could ever imagine, and I get a chance each day to be a blessing to others. I can even love others and accept the love and grace of not just my friends, but of a loving Creator. It’s the new life I always dreamed of and could never have on my own. My prayer is that we all focus on the stone and the new life that awaits us all each day.

“We humans mistrust, murder, and attack. Now I see that it is not you that humanity hates. We hate ourselves, but we mistakenly kill you. I must stop crucifying your blessed flesh on this earth and in my brothers and sisters.

Now I see that you live in me and I live in you. You are inviting me out of this endless cycle of illusion and violence. You are Jesus crucified. You are saving me. In your perfect love, you have chosen to enter into union with me, and I am slowly learning to trust that this could be true.” Fr. Richard Rohr