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Resolution, Smezalution…

It finally feels like January here in Cowtown. It went from seventy degrees early yesterday afternoon to a wind chill eight degrees by midnight. This morning brought brilliant sunshine, calmer breezes, and crisp, clean cold air. I finally traded the shorts and t-shirts for sweatpants and long-sleeves as I sit here drinking my coffee. I may have to buy new thermals for the expected series of cold fronts coming this week. As it is I’m perfectly contented to look out the window whilst enjoying the delights of central heating…

The New Year is supposed to a time of resolutions. I’ve never been big on them. Most are broken before February. If resolutions are to be made, they should only be made for today. Several years ago, my mentor and friend Jim once suggested (Actually, he told me. I’m not sure he ever “suggested” anything…) that I take a piece of note paper and tape it to my bathroom mirror. The note should ask one simple question: “If you were absolutely positive that today would be your last day on Earth, would you be happy with the way you spent it?”

I followed his instructions. The note was placed on the mirror. I thought of it frequently until I didn’t. I moved several times since that day long ago. The note never survived the moves. It crossed my mind a few times, but I never put it on another mirror.

Sitting here this morning I thought of his “suggestion”. Maybe it’s time to remember that it was more than a suggestion. When Margaret and I bought our home several years ago I told her that the next time I move out of this house it would be in an urn or a pine box. I can’t think of a better place to put that note up again. It won’t get lost in a move…

My life is drastically different from the life I was living when Jim told me to do this. I was new to recovery. Addiction has its ways of hurting everyone I loved and even those I didn’t. It was a constant reminder that I didn’t have to live that way. I needed that constant reminder and I do now even though my addiction is in remission, and I’ve gone on to a life that I never could never have imagined possible.

Life isn’t perfect. It still shows up in ways I’d rather not have to deal with. I’ve learned what real grief is over the last year-and-a-half since my son Jeremy died. I’ve lost close friends. I’ve cried, been irritable (truthfully, I’ve been a real pain in the ass) and withdrawn from people close to me. I’ve often substituted work for the drugs – usually with the same consequences. “The more things change, the more they remain the same…”. Fortunately, they’re only moments now instead of a constant way of life. Jim also reminded me that life is about “progress, not perfection”.

When I get up from here, I’ll take my note to the bathroom. I’ll take a good look and think about how I can spend my day – not my year. I’m going to be more loving to my wife. I’ll spend some time with her. I’m going to pick up the phone and tell my friends and family how much I love and appreciate them. I’m probably going to be irritated that there’s dirty dishes in the kitchen but remember that the dishes are not what’s important. The person that left them there is – imperfections and all.

I’m going to think about Jeremy. I’m also going to remember the gift he left for me – three beautiful, smart, and in my book, perfect grandchildren. I’m going to cry if need be and let someone know I’m hurting. I’m also going to let those grandkids know how much they’re loved.

I’m going to love better and accept that I don’t always do that to the best of my ability. I’m going to find the joy in the little moments that every day brings – that is if I look for them. The glass of a calm river by the farm, the coyotes that visit every morning, the flowers blooming in the winter…

On the way to my Kentucky Home

I’m not going to be so hard on myself. One of the things Opal’s Farm has taught me is that nature has its own time and it’s not mine. I tell that to others all the time. Yet, I’m the first one to forget that when the “To Do” list is staring me in the face.

I’m going to find the joy in the little things that fill my day. I may or may not leave the house today. Joy surrounds me here…

Resolutions don’t quite cut it for me. I’m not sure they work for anybody – at least not those I’ve observed. However, I know that looking at what I can enjoy and do better on January 2nd does work. It’ll work again on January 3rd, on January 4th, and everyday after if I simply remember that simple question – If I was “absolutely positive that today would be my last day on Earth, would I be happy with the way I spent it?”

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Merry Christmas to Each of Us…

It’s going to be a record-setting hot Christmas here in Cowtown. Shorts and tee shirts will take the place of tasteless Christmas sweaters this year! I’m fighting the urge to go work at Opal’s Farm and enjoy this beautiful day…

I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas from Opal’s Farm and good old Cowtown, Texas. The New Year is right around the corner and thanks to you all we have another great year ahead. We wish the same for you!

“Arise, your light has come! / Fling wide the prison door; / proclaim the captive’s liberty, / good tidings to the poor. / Arise, your light has come! / All you in sorrow born, / bind up the brokenhearted ones / and comfort those who mourn.”

Ruth Duck, “Arise, Your Light is Come” (1974)

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Kentucky is our Neighbor…

Fridays and Saturdays are the two busiest days of the week. There’s produce to be harvested, washed, and packaged on Friday for Cowtown Farmers Market on Saturday morning. I rarely make it through the ten o’clock news without drifting off to sleep (that is if I’m lucky enough to be finished by then). I don’t often get to keep up on news happenings until Sunday night…

That changed this weekend. I had left my phone on the desk while I was at Market (which I’m prone to do a lot lately). I saw a text from my sister Dana in Georgia asking if my family in Kentucky was okay given the tornado that hit Friday evening. What the…?

It was then I learned of the massive tornado that had hit the Midwest, much of it through Kentucky. I checked my newsfeed and saw the pictures and the over two-hundred-mile path of destruction through south central Kentucky. I called Momma immediately.

She told me everyone was okay. That most of the devastation was north of them. Flint Ridge, our family farm, had suffered some broken windows and roof damage. I let go a sigh of relief, still horrified by the devastation and loss of life.

She called back a short time later to update me on what new information she had learned. Momma and my brother Danny huddled in the hallway for two hours after the sirens went off. My brother-in-law had left his work trucks at a new home they were working on. The home and the truck were both destroyed. There was quite a bit of damage around Russellville, but Adam’s truck (and job) and the smaller damage at the farm were the only losses suffered by my family. Still, it had destroyed the lives and property of so many in the area.

I watched the news later. The devastation was catastrophic. Governor Beshears had declared a state of emergency and the loss of life trumped the scenes of mayhem on the news. Sitting here some seven-hundred-miles away I felt the pain of loss and helplessness for all those folks so far away. My heart was heavy. I said a prayer of thanks for my family and a prayer of lament for those whose lives had been destroyed.

I had planned this morning as a time to update you all on my Kentucky Thanksgiving. Somehow it doesn’t seem appropriate to do so today. Please pray for Kentucky this morning. The death toll from Friday night’s storm is forecasted to rise. There is never a good time for such things to happen, but I can’t imagine a worse time – the pain that comes from such a tragedy at Christmas. It will take years to recover from the loss.

It’s times like this that remind us of the importance of community – of building the common good. The outpouring of assistance coming from not just Kentuckians but from around the country reminds me that community still exists. It’s unfortunate that tragedy often must be the reminder.

Please keep everyone affected in your prayers. Hold your family a little closer. Take time to love them better. We don’t know what tomorrow brings…

Severe Weather Kentucky
The candle factory in Mayfield, Kentucky following Friday’s tornado