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Jeremy and I

I got up early this morning to study for the final in a course I’m taking in Indigenous Religion and Ecology. Unfortunately, the coffee hadn’t kicked in and I fell down a rabbit hole and cleaned up my personal email instead. I apparently stopped doing so on May 29, 2020 – the day my son Jeremy died. Life seemed to take a different path after that day.

I wrote about the grief and the loss for a few weeks after he died. My public blog became my personal journal in the hope it would be cathartic for me and somewhat hopeful that it would shorten, or at least make bearable, the grief process. It didn’t. It simply became easier to write about Opal’s Farm and passing on quotes I came across that meant something to me than to speak of the pain of grief.

So, I’ve been silent the last few weeks unless it’s about Opal’s Farm. Spring planting has taken up most of my time. It’s hard to stay on top of all the great things happening at the farm – and there are some fantastic things happening there this Spring. I’m grateful for all of it. I wish I had more hours in the day so I could tell you all about it, but I don’t so I do the best I can business-wise.

When it came to writing anything else I found myself relying on the old “writer’s block” excuse -and that’s just what it was – an excuse. The reality is grief has reared its ugly head and clouded my thinking for some time now. It started around Christmas – that’s my deceased son’s birthday – and hasn’t let up.

I told my wife that I may need to finally see a grief therapist. This was becoming somewhat debilitating, but I didn’t want to spend a hundred dollars an hour for someone to tell me grief and loss sucks. I get it.

I also get that people don’t want to hear about my loss anymore whatever their reason may be.

Grief is incredibly isolating. People who haven’t lost a child don’t get it. They may have the best of intentions, or they may think it’s time (it’s been a year-and-a-half) to just “get over it” and move on. I understand. I’m ashamed to admit it but I’ve treated others the same way. Not because I want to but because of the discomfort, and often fear, I feel being around grief. We all do it…

This morning I read once again all the emails and articles written about Jeremy after his passing. He was loved by many. Although his talent as an artist lives on through his body of work, I find myself wondering if at best, he’s thought of from time, and at worst, if he’s been forgotten – everyone’s moved on. COVID robbed us of the celebration of life he wanted should he pass. We honored one of his requests at the small family homegoing we had for him – we had honey buns but couldn’t have a taco truck. I’m still waiting on that one.

Several years ago, Jeremy and I were headed out to a remodeling job we were doing. I miss our time in the truck together – the conversations, the laughter – although I must admit that working with Jeremy was rarely easy. We’re both pretty set in our ways! Still, we had a lot to laugh about. He told me that we should write a book together. I asked him why he thought that. His reply still haunts me today – “We could write about you and me. It’d be so crazy no one would believe it. We’d make the non-fiction bestseller’s list.” I can’t argue with that…

Jeremy 2019

There were several things that Jeremy wanted from me that I just never got around to while he was here. Some of them I’ve done, some I haven’t yet. He always wanted me to find my birth parents. He loved my adopted parents, especially my dad, but he always wondered about who were really were – where and who did we come from. I found that out last year when I met my birth mother – his grandmother – and learned so much of our family history. When I go to Kentucky in May I’ll be taking some of his ashes to lay at the family cemetery on the family farm we will be having our reunion at. My brother’s sons look so much like Adrian and Jeremy. Part of Jeremy belongs there too.

I’ve also begun the book he always wanted. I realized that Jeremy had a private persona and a public one as an artist. While most people know Jeremy the artist, few know Jeremy the man. It’s time for a broader (and crazier) picture of he and I both.

I’ll keep you posted on the progress and maybe post a chapter here and there. I don’t know if it will be a bestseller. In fact, I don’t even know if you’ll read it. I do know that what will happen will happen and maybe his loss and the pain I feel will mean something to me and the healing will begin…

This song plays almost everyday on my streaming station. It has become my song for Jeremy.
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The First Pitch

“I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me. All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.” – Jackie Robinson

April 15, 1947 is a date that all baseball fans know well. On that day Jack Roosevelt Robinson – Jackie Robinson – became the first African American to break the color barrier in Major League Baseball when he signed with the Brooklyn Dodgers.

Today is also “Jackie Robinson Day” at tonight’s Texas Rangers game at Globe Life Field in Arlington. Even more fitting is the fact that Ms. Opal will be throwing out the first pitch at tonight’s game! Tickets are still available through the Rangers box office.

Come out and enjoy the Spring Texas evening, watch the Rangers play the Los Angeles Angels, and cheer on Ms. Opal!

Ms. Opal’s Ranger Jersey for tonight
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“If we are to heal our ecological wounds, we need to shift from settler views of individual land ownership to Indigenous views of communal land stewardship.” – Liuan Huska, “Rethinking Property Rights”

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“It is possible to become discouraged about the injustice we see everywhere. But God did not promise us that the world would be humane and just. [God] gives us the gift of life and allows us to choose the way we will use our limited time on this earth. It is an awesome opportunity.”- Cesar Chavez, “Statement by Cesar Chavez at the end of his 24-day fast for justice” (1972)

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What a Difference a Week Makes!

Good morning from Opal’s Farm! I realize that some Opal’s supporters may not share the same scene I have looking out my office door this morning (thanks to all of you across Texas, the nation, and even the globe! We appreciate you all so much). The sun has just come up and it’s a brilliant Spring morning. Last week’s wintry morning has been replaced with cool Spring mornings. The birds are talking loudly amongst each other, and the trees are beginning to bud in radiant greens, whites, and purples. The projected high temperature for today is ninety degrees (in March)!

Spring planting is moving ahead at breakneck speed. Professor David Cole, Stephanie Schmitz, and the students at Tarrant Count College NW’s Horticulture Department grew four hundred tomato plants and one hundred pepper transplants for the farm this year. The one thing we are unable to have has been a greenhouse (no structures on the floodplain) so we can’t start out tomatoes and peppers on time. Providing our transplants saved the farm hundreds of dollars. They’re also bigger and healthier than those that come from our regular vendors. Hopefully, we will be able to provide tomatoes early this year.

All our tomato and pepper plants are in and trellised thanks to our wonderful volunteers. Melissa, Jamie, and Tony came during the week, and we had two great workdays with the Ridglea Presbyterian Student Ministries and The Hills Church Unity Builders Ministry over the last two weekends.

We skipped market this Saturday so we could pick up, deliver, and plant all our transplants. Don’t worry though. We’ll be back next week with more of the organically grown fresh produce you all look for from Opal’s Farm!