I haven’t written much this month. May is not one of my favorite months. Although I love springtime at the farm, it tends to be emotionally draining for me and my family (I think I drain them…). You see, my youngest son, Jeremy died on May 29th, 2020. It’s been six years and I still have a hard time with every anniversary. I miss him every day, but the 29th is the most difficult of all.
You would think I’d be better at figuring out why I’m suddenly distracted with day-to-day work, forgetful (more than usual…), and feeling overwhelmed. It’s usually the week before the 29th that the light bulb comes on and I have to go and make amends to those I’ve been short with. Fortunately, I have some wonderful people in my life who understand I’m why I’m not handling everyday interactions very well, showing me much more grace than I feel I deserve.
One thing I’ve learned over the last six years is that grief has no expiration date. Well meaning friends have given me the space to grieve but they don’t always understand why the feelings are so strong after six years. They don’t come right out and say it, but it often feels like they think I should be “over it” by now. Grief has a way of distorting reality. I’m sure no one (well, at least most people) really thinks ill of my grief. I often must remind myself that feelings are not facts.
Last year I started writing a collection of stories about Jeremy and I. I’ve shared the first couple of them with my friends and readers. The others have been slow in coming. Writing time is a prized possession around here. My wife, my home, and the farm fill my cup to overflowing, leaving little room for the reflection honest storytelling requires, especially when it comes to being honest about my own demons and an often turbulent, yet tight, relationship with my son. They’ve been full of ups and downs, joy and despair, but I hope to share more of those stories as the coming year allows.
Just for today, I’ll let the feelings come. I’ve been told that grief becomes easier to bear as time goes by. I’m not sure it gets easier, but I know it gets different. I’m often reminded of all the joy Jeremy brought into the world – my world – but there’s always a deep sense of loss underneath the surface. Maybe that’s a good thing. It’s also a reminder that I get to honor Jeremy and the God who loves me by how I celebrate each day through my family and my work. Moreover, I’m constantly reminded that the loss is only temporary in the grand scheme of things – that one day we’ll all be together again in a world free of the tears that this world so often has.
So folks, if I’m a bit melancholy and irritable today, please allow me my feelings and know it’s a hard day for me. Maybe if we could all remember that everyone has difficulties in life we may not see, we could all be a little more patient and loving towards others. That would sure make living easier for all of us. Please remember too, that sometimes the greatest gift one can give to a grieving person is their simple, silent presence. There are no words of comfort, only the reminder that we are loved.
Welcome to the first day of meteorological Spring! I’ve always considered myself a more astronomical Spring kind of guy but given that this has been one of the hottest winters on record for North Texas I’ll claim this as the first day of Spring 2026. The two-week forecast carries beyond the last predicted frost date so I’m going to gamble with some Spring planting before the rain finally comes. It’s also been one of the driest winters on record so I’m loving the rainy forecast for the latter half of this week.
Opal’s Farm has only been able to make a couple of market dates in February because of some freezing damage to our winter crops earlier in the month. The greens and root crops have started coming back and new plants are about ready to harvest. We’re hoping to have a great selection of veggies for the Grand Opening of Opal’s Farm Stand at Rosedale and Evans later this month.
We also started the Taste the C.U.R.E. program at the end of January, so I’m now taking two Saturdays to teach the growing portion of the program for our Fort Worth folks (we’ve expanded the program to include Stephenville this year!). We have some great students this year and they’re hard at work on their garden plots so we can begin planting this month.
Unfortunately, new growth and expansion also created unexpected problems – mainly staffing of both classes, market stands, and volunteers on Saturday morning. I can’t be in two places at once so Opal’s will be hiring a new Saturday market person in the next month. I’m still working on the details of the new position and will open applications in the next couple of weeks. Thanks to Texas Health Community Hope for making that financially possible for us!
Texas Health Community Hope (formerly known as Blue Zones Fort Worth) has been a sponsor of Opal’s Farm since day one. They’ve helped Opal’s in more ways than I can count. Their support has taken many forms; grants, community farm tours, volunteer days, marketing, and the Double-Up Bucks programs. I hope they know how blessed and how grateful Opal’s Farm is to have them as a partner and supporter. I couldn’t do this every day without them.
We Love Our Volunteers
Yesterday, I also had one of our other incredible partners out for a Volunteer Day – Fidelity Investments. Fidelity started volunteering with Opal’s two years ago and the volunteers have come back over and over again to work at the farm. They also set up monthly volunteer Saturdays for the remainder of the year! I had such a great group yesterday. They mulched most of the bio-intensive section, weeded, and planted onions (My back loves them!). I’m looking forward to seeing everyone in a couple of weeks.
If you’d like to volunteer at Opal’s Farm, please sign up on our website (www.unityunlimited org/opalsfarm or call the farm at 817.602.8225. If you’re looking for group volunteer days, please hurry as Spring dates are going fast!
I was going to write my annual end of the year wrap-up from Opal’s Farm today, but I got a bit sidetracked – which happens a lot, especially this time of year. The holiday season is a mixed bag of emotions for me. I experience the joy of my grandkids and a deep sadness that their father, Jeremy, isn’t here to celebrate with them. It doesn’t help that Jeremy was born on Christmas Day either. Moreover, my father, who was our “Mr. Christmas”, has been gone for almost twenty years and Mom passed in 2017. My sister and her husband live in Georgia and I really miss her. There’s no one from my family to celebrate with except the grandkids and my daughter-in-law. Grief tends to hit hard this time of year. Holidays aren’t my favorite time of year, but my grandkids remind me there’s still joy in the season. Sometimes you have to find new traditions to move forward.
My grandkids and Uncle Adrian, my oldest son, have a Christmas tradition that started after Jeremy died. Every Christmas morning, at nine AM, we meet at Ol’South Pancake House – a Fort Worth Institution and one of the only places open – to have breakfast together. It’s hard to coordinate family time with all the in-laws (and out-laws) that we decided to start our own tradition and everyone can plan around us instead.
We headed to the cemetery to leave flowers and birthday wishes after breakfast. My oldest granddaughter, Baillie, was with us this year. Her relationship with her dad was strained due to his addiction. She neglected to go with us in the past but joined her brother and sister this year. The atmosphere at both breakfast and the cemetery was much lighter than in the past, leaving room for real Christmas joy.
Aside – We often go to the mural of Jeremy painted by his business partner, Jay Wilkinson. The mural is located on the outside wall of Hop Fusion Brewery in Near Southside (the brewery is also home to several of Jeremy’s murals). Sometimes I, or we, need to sit have a conversation with the twenty-foot-high Jeremy…
Life is like that – joy in the midst of grief, light in the midst of darkness. I thank God daily for both ends of the spectrum. It may not make sense to everyone, but this is the best Christmas gift I could receive.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday. We had a wonderful day with food, family, and Dallas Cowboys football, I normally have a little anxiety around family gatherings being the introvert that I am. My social battery tends to run low after a couple of hours, but this year it lasted from around two in the afternoon until after ten o’clock in the evening. I normally am worn out after being around people, even loved ones for so long. This year was different. I was tired, but happy to have spent our time together. Something special happened this year that been somewhat absent in the past.
One of my wife’s family traditions is to take time between Thanksgiving dinner and dessert to read a passage of scripture and go around the table and have each person tell what they are grateful for. I won’t go into details except to tell you that each of us found deeper appreciation for each other and the grace we’ve been given. This year the passage was from I Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live” (The Message Bible). Good advice to everyone no matter what their faith I’d say.
No matter what happens. Most of us find it easy to be grateful when things are going well for us. It’s equally easy to take the good times for granted, but we’re going to focus on gratitude only here. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gratitude as: “Gratitude noun – the state of being grateful.” When everything seems to be okay – the rent’s paid, there’s food on the table, we can afford a nice vacation or a new car – it’s easy to have a grateful state of mind, but what happens when tragedy strikes – the death of a loved one, unemployment, financial fear, the old car breaks down – and everything and everyone seems to be against us.
My youngest son, Jeremy, died in May of 2020. Let me be clear, I am not grateful for his death. It’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced. Parents who have lost a child know what I mean. The grief feels insurmountable and honestly, I don’t think it ever goes away. I still have moments when a song is played, I glance at one of his paintings, or my grandkids talk about how much they miss him when the sadness burst into my day and I feel as emotionally raw as the day I received the phone that he was gone. It’s a constant reminder of loss. It feels sacrilegious, or even hateful, to find gratitude in such a thing.
However, there’s immense gratitude for what happened after Jeremy died. God had placed all the people in my life that would help me walk through this tragedy. My friend and sponsor, Edgar, had lost his own son some twenty-two years earlier. He was the second person I called (the first was my wife) as I drove to my oldest granddaughter’s house to tell her the news. Over the following months he answered every phone call and walked me through the pain. He had been there before. He shared my pain and gave of himself to offer healing and hope during a dark time.
Moreover, two of our friend’s circle lost their sons as well, one to an opiate overdose like Jeremy. I could share with him the little experience I had. Helping others helps me. We were all there for one another – something I will be eternally grateful for.
Most recently, this last year has been one I don’t wish to repeat for a myriad of reasons. Funding cuts began in January. I had to lay off my staff. My paychecks were few and far between causing huge financial difficulty for both the farm and our personal finances.
In April, I blew my left knee out. Subsequent doctor appointments revealed that both knees were now bone on bone, a knee replacement was my last option, and pain became a daily issue. The farmers markets have been much slower, a reflection of a weakening economy, and sales have been down. In October, my Volunteer Coordinator quit suddenly with no explanation. After five years she had become a friend, and her loss was hurtful. I now had to give up Saturday morning markets to be there for volunteers already on the schedule. To make matters worse, my planned knee surgery fell through and it would be next November before I could again take time off for recovery. There were more than a few dark days for me. Why would anyone find gratitude in such a year?
I scaled back, took on only what I could handle, and we’ve had more volunteer groups than in past years. What wasn’t sold was donated to some great local organizations and we’ve still managed to keep moving forward. We still yielded produce totals like the year before with less land and labor. Funding has increased (we’re a non-profit farm) and new market opportunities have arisen to help us better meet our mission of improving food access for our neighbors. We saw new grants relieve the payroll anxiety thanks to Texas Health Community Hope and the North Texas Communities Foundation (more on that to come this week!) we are greeting the new year on a firm footing.
I’ve been able to let go of the hurt (it’s taken awhile) and disruption of (our Volunteer Coordinator) Stacey’s sudden departure and work with some amazing volunteers I’d been missing for the last few months. My knees still hurt but not like they were. Work is much more tolerable. A bit slower perhaps but that may be age over injury. Who’s to say?
I’m grateful for what this year has brought to me. I’m still out there every day doing the best I can and far better than expected. I’m able to keep moving and I’ve learned that my physical (and sometimes emotional) limits are not nearly as bad as I thought. I’m getting much better at thanking God “no matter what happens”.
It’s often simply a matter of perspective – whether one sees difficulty as a problem or as an opportunity. Living in a state of gratitude helps shift one’s perspective. Sometimes I only learn to be grateful looking back at how God had blessed and stood by me. One of my favorite quotes is from Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford commencement speech, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward “. Many times, I stumble through the dark times until I look back and see how I’ve been loved and cared for. I’m getting better staying in the moment…
There’s an abundance of studies and articles about the benefits of gratitude, but I choose a very simple definition: gratitude isn’t just a noun. The dictionary may not say it, but it’s a verb as well. It’s not just a state of mind, but an action word. Sometimes placing one foot in front of another is the simplest form of gratitude one can have. My prayer for us all is that we may truly come to “Thank God no matter what happens”.
“When people were hungry, Jesus didn’t say, “Now is that political or social?” He said, “I feed you.” Because the good news to a hungry person is bread.” – Desmond Tutu
In October of 2018 I shut down my business to work full-time as the Farm Manager for Opal’s Farm. I knew from my first meeting with Ms. Opal that the farm is where I was called to be, but the first time I saw the whole five acres tilled I wondered how I’d ever “eat the elephant” in front of me. Thanks to my dear friend and mentor, Charlie Blaylock, I didn’t have to. He told me to take one bite at a time, plant one row at a time, and do what I could do each day. If I did that the “elephant” would turn into a glorious farm.
Charlie was right. Nobody wanted to donate to a dream that first year, so money was scarce. All we had were donated tools, donated seeds, and one volunteer to help start our first acre (We love you, Brendan!). The two of us built beds, planted those donated seeds, and with help from the weather that year we had our first harvest on the first acre of Opal’s Farm. What started as a vision of what could be has become a reality over the last seven years. Ms. Opal reminds me that “we’ve done so much with so little for so long that we can do anything with nothing.”
Once we had something to show the funds started coming in slowly and we added more tools, equipment, and crops each season. More volunteers came to the farm and became valued members of the Opal’s Farm community. We were even able to add some paid farmhands (my back was celebrating!). We’ve been proud members of the Cowtown Farmers Market since 2019, hosted events and pop-up neighborhood markets, and opened our own Opal’s Farm Stand in 2024. We became an authorized Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program – SNAP – retailer in 2023 and recently added the Double Up Bucks program this year thanks to Texas Health Community Hope and Double Up Texas.
The past ten months have seen many changes in the political and social climate we live and work in. It came to a head when the federal government came to a screeching halt for forty-three days while the Democrats and Republicans argued about policies and funding issues. On October 27th, SNAP Benefits halted to forty-two million Americans in addition to the many federal workers going without paychecks during the shutdown. Food insecurity and hunger became an even harsher reality for more low-income households, seniors, and children. People face tough choices – food or medicine and bills, – even if the shutdown has ended for now.
I have private opinions regarding the debacle but the bottom line for me is that food is neither political nor social in nature as so eloquently in the above Desmond Tutu quote. Food is a basic human right for everyone. It’s not whether one is Democrat or Republican, wealthy or poor, but for everyone. No one, especially our seniors and children, should have to go hungry.
Opal’s Farm is committed to helping those affected by the government shutdown through our farm stand at the Funkytown Mindful Market and the “Doc” Sessions Community Center. In partnership with @Sustainable Food Center (SFC), we are launching
Double Up Fresh Bucks / Dólares Frescos, a temporary program to support farmer sales
and food access for families at our market. 💚
Double Up Fresh Bucks / Dólares Frescos provides [$30 or market amount] worth of
market dollars for shoppers to buy any food or drink item.
Any market shopper affected by loss of services and/or income due to the government
shutdown can receive Double Up Fresh Bucks / Dólares Frescos. Double Up Fresh
Bucks / Dólares Frescos expire on December 31, 2025.
How to Participate:
1️⃣ Visit us at Funkytown Mindful Market (1201 Wesleyan St.) on the 1st Saturday of the month and at Opal’s Farm Stand (“Doc” Sessions Community Center 201 S. Sylvania) every other Saturday from 1pm to 3pm
2️⃣Ask to receive Double Up Fresh Bucks / Double Up Dólares Fresco
gregoryjoel.com 