Category: Relationships

Christianity, Recovery, Relationships, Spirituality

Community

gregoryjoel

:  I actually had to put on a hoodie this morning. Although the bulk of the rain is heading east, it’s still cool and overcast here in Fort Worth this morning. I don’t know if there’s any scientific proof to support this, but the coffee tastes better on days like this.

I was thinking about my brother Craig this morning. Craig and I were roommates for several years. I had a brain hemorrhage a few years back. The doctors told me I couldn’t work until the surgery to be done several months later. Consequently, I had to let my house go into foreclosure. Craig offered his place for a couple of weeks. I left six years later…

I always tell people that I had to wait until I was in my fifties to get a brother. Craig was, and is, more than my former roommate. In the time I shared his home I grew more spiritually. I firmly believe God brought us together for that very reason. Although I’m happily married today, I miss all the mornings in the wood shop, drinking coffee, praying, and sharing our faith with one another. We don’t get to do that enough…

Craig is an amazing craftsman in his wood shop. He made a beautiful pipe from an old oak burl for me. It’s truly amazing. It smokes smoothly and is thoroughly enjoyable after a good evening meal. What I really like about though is the note that came with it. It’s taped above my keyboard, so I see it regularly. It simply says, “Like David and Jonathan, you are my best friend. This pipe is a token of my love for you. Enjoy it my friend!”. I do my brother…

Our friendship started me thinking about the broader community I’m blessed to be a part of today. I share life today with many people. I never thought it would be possible. I’m basically shy and introverted. I don’t do well in groups, but I thrive in community. I discovered that when I got into recovery. It offered me the first introduction to living in community. I’ve made it a practice to be involved in that community; because even community takes practice.

When I was growing up, my social ineptitude made life difficult outside the community of my parent’s friends and their kids. When we moved away for my Dad’s job I felt isolated and uncomfortable. That feeling plagued me for years. I tried many ways to make my world fit, especially at “church”, but I couldn’t live up to their standards of conduct and piety. I was so relieved when I found recovery. It was quite refreshing to hear “God” and “mother****” in the same sentence. It was even better that I was accepted for me, imperfections and all.

Recovery helped rekindle my faith in the God of my understanding: it emphasized an interactive relationship with that God. If I nurtured that relationship my life would be transformed. I’ve experienced transformation today. I fit in: not just into recovery, but to society at large. If you’ve ever been on the “outside looking in”, you know what I mean.

I had many misconceptions about what “community” really meant. I had this crazy idea it required a type of separation from society (I am a child of the sixties!) and communal living. I viewed everything as either “in” or “out” (probably from growing up in a fundamentalist Christian home – they’re a pretty exclusive bunch…). Entering in to a relationship with a Higher Power, with God, exposed those misconceptions.

I began to hear, and listen, to the “Good News”. I’d always heard how it was about God wanting to “save me” at some future date but I had to be righteous (or more like “self-righteous”) and work real hard to get there. It never sounded that “good” to me. I began to hear all these years later that it isn’t about some far-off “eternal” life. It’s about the Kingdom, the “community” of Heaven, that’s available to me now. Now that’s good news, that’s transforming…

I’m going to be writing more about community, more about that “kingdom” I’ve found over the coming days. It keeps popping in to my head a lot these days. I’m so grateful to be a part of this community and I’d love to hear your thoughts as well.

Christianity, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Monday morning…

gregoryjoel

We went to lunch with my father-in-law and his fiancé yesterday. He asks me where my “Thoughts From the Porch”. I explained that I try not to post anything on the weekends. I’m trying to learn how to observe the “sabbath”: the idea of resting from my regular labors, staying home with my wonderful wife, and “piddling” around the house. I still spend quiet time on the porch, usually before everyone else is up, and start my day. There’s something special about that rectangular piece of concrete where I sit and take in the day God has given me.

There’s something about this peaceful front porch, in my quiet little cul-de-sac: something spiritual. It’s no wonder that when our friends stop by for coffee on Sunday morning, we’ve come to calling it “Having church”. It’s sure different from the church I grew up in, and a heck of a lot more spiritual. I don’t mean to bash church services as most people understand. It’s just that something happens there on the porch that doesn’t happen in the “worship services” I grew up with. Whether it’s by myself, with Margaret, or our friends there’s a spirit of shalom, that of wholeness, harmony, and well-being, resides here. I’m under no illusion that it’s nothing other than God’s grace that makes it that way. Margaret and I simply make it available.

I was sitting there this morning, sipping coffee, and smoking the first cigarette (yes, I know you thought I quit. I still indulge, though Margaret’s finally a non-smoker…) of the day and I thought about all the faces of family and friends that have blessed our porch over the last few years. I thought about the people I don’t see as often, and I grieved over the one’s who have moved away or passed away. There’s been more of the latter category this year.

I also thought of the new faces I’ve come to see over the last year. I’m truly amazed by God’s sense of balance. Winter friends pass on and new ones appear. Life goes on. I’m grateful and at peace.

I’ll go inside to start working in a bit. The pace will quicken and the quiet of the morning will be replaced by the buzz of the “to do” list: phone calls to be made, projects to be finished and appointments to be kept. Periodically throughout the day, I’ll think of this morning on the porch and of the friends I’ve been there with. I’ll remember and smile. Aren’t Mondays great?

Relationships, Uncategorized

Happy Anniversary Baby…

gregoryjoel

The sun is back in Fort Worth after it’s brief absence. It’s Texas Independence Day and it’s my fifth wedding anniversary today. All is well in the world.

I was looking back at the last five years and feeling truly awed by God’s grace. Who would have thought someone like me would be blessed with the marriage I have today? I feel so undeserving sometimes. I’m reminded of the Kevin Fowler song, “I’m a Hard Man to Love”. I’m under no illusions here. I can be difficult at times, but Margaret makes me a better man. Sometimes I think she drew the short straw…

Many of you know the story of the brief courtship prior to our marriage. We dated for a scant ninety-one days before we said “I do”. There are some of you who know, and participated in, the even shorter engagement so I won’t bore you with all the details.  Because so many friends came out of the woodwork saying, “What can I do and what do you need?”, our friends did in eight short days what many couples take a year to pull off: an absolutely beautiful and amazing wedding.

We were older when we got married (although I must admit to receiving “senior discounts” long before Margaret). We were fortunate enough to be in that place where we knew who we were, what we wanted, and what we didn’t. Time and experience often affords that knowledge, although not always. What I truly credit it with is our relationship with the God of our understanding.

One of my sons asked me a while back, “What do you and Margaret have in common? You seem so different”. In many ways he’s right. I remembered a line from a song, “She likes The Beatles, I like the Stones”. Our musical tastes aren’t the only things we differ on. She comes from a deeply conservative, military family background. I’m somewhere to the left of Karl Marx. She likes mild food. Mine needs to be hot and spicy. The list goes on and on…

What we’ve both know is that all of those differences are just fluff. We connected in a much deeper, spiritual way because we share to same core values and because we never try to be something we’re not. We love each other just the way we are: warts and all. Those core values, our faith in God, love, patience, selflessness, honor, integrity, commitment, honesty, forgiveness, humility, and thankfulness (all which she’s so much better at than I): those are the root of our connection. They’re what gives us a firm foundation for an incredible relationship.

I’ve been honored with performing several marriage ceremonies over the last few years. I always like to share Ecclessiates 4: 9-12 where the writer says how good it is to have a partner and being bound together by a strand of three cords, not just two. That third cord, God, binds it all together. That’s how it’s worked for us the last five years. That, and I guess we got married quick enough to keep from falling out of love. She still takes my breath away when she walks into the room…