Category: Gardening

Christianity, Emotional Health, Faith, Freelancing, Gardening, Prayer, Recovery, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Writing

No Compromise…

gregoryjoel

I didn’t spend much time on the porch this morning. I don’t handle the heat as well as I used to. The little buddy on my hip, my IV infusion, makes the heat even more difficult to bear. I’m glad I made some changes in my professional life over the past year, but I really miss being outdoors much of the time. At least I’m able to spend time in my garden, even if it is in short spurts. I’m sure I’ll be able to be out more after this IV infusion therapy is over in a couple of months. Remember the “patience is a virtue” thing…

I’m grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given to practice patience today. I’m often guilty of trying to stay so busy that I fail to take care of myself. When I’m so busy that I let myself get run down it becomes difficult to hear the gentler, quiet voice of creation. I begin to feel “irritable, restless, and discontent”, as my elders warned me I would. I start to resent having to meet others needs and move toward total self-centeredness. Feeling too tired and over-stretched is a dangerous place for me to be.

I mention all this because of an article I read this morning that really struck me “right between the eyes”. It was talking about taking on work that compromises my values, my self-worth, and the future of my business. As a business owner and freelance writer, it really hit home. If I’m honest, I’ve been guilty of compromise and thus, suffered the consequences.

Thirteen years ago, I started a back-to-work program for a local non-profit providing transitional housing and social services for the homeless HIV/AIDS community. What I don’t often share, lest it affect my professional life, is that I was one of those on the receiving end of their services. I had only been in recovery for a few months but had lost my home, my health, and my family when I finally surrendered and began a new chapter in my life. I had been fortunate enough to do well professionally (if one can do well) until the last few months of my active addiction. My experience in business writing, operations management, and Human Resources made starting such a program much easier. Still, I’m grateful for the “gift of desperation” that led to a new relationship with the God of my understanding.

The “back-to-work” program, Hope Works, grew quickly: not so much in the number of people participating as in the profitability of the landscape portion of the program. To make a long story short, I was asked to buy-out that portion of the program and spent the last few years as a landscape and an outdoor living contractor. That’s when things changed.

Fear is an insidious beast that creeps in slowly. The article I mentioned earlier said that there were times when compromise is appropriate: like when first starting out for instance. I’m not sure I agree with that. My experience has taught me that lowering price to get the job has far reaching consequences. If the purpose of my business is to gain repeat customers and personal referrals, then the existing or potential customer learns to value my time and energy less for the next job. Moreover, I begin to resent the time I’m spending on their job. My resentment increases and my self-worth decreases. I treat people how to treat me. Go figure!

Every time I’ve compromised to get a job there have been consequences. Personally, and as a landscape contractor I’ve always worked organically, without the use of chemicals and pesticides that I know damage the creation I’m to be a steward of. For the first few years I had a policy of “organic only”. I wouldn’t take on a customer who wanted something other than organic lawn and garden care. However, after my first stroke I lost a lot of customers because I had to reschedule so many jobs. When I got back to full-time work I began to compromise my “organic only” policy. I needed to rebuild my business! The “what ifs” had crept in. It may sound silly to you, but I felt terrible because I knew I had violated my values. Although I’d offered a temporary solution to their landscaping issue, I’d caused long-term damage to their yard and the creation I’m so passionate about defending.

So why do I compromise? Simply put, it’s because I’m scared. Intellectually, I know that God loves me and holds me in high regard. He’s never let me down. Looking backward, the evidence of His care is 100% true. I can intellectually know that and still be in emotional fear. What if I don’t get the job? What if I go without? How do I provide for my family? The questions go on and on. Where is my faith in the middle of all of this? I’m convinced that fear is the root of all my troubles – I compromise out of fear.

There were many reasons why I decided to return to freelancing full-time – I’m getting older, I don’t handle the heat as well as I used to, the frustrations of dealing with employees and subcontractors, and the fact that I can be at home more often for Margaret – but the bottom line is that I’m good at what I do, and I bring value to my clients. Starting this new business venture has been slow-going and frustrating at times. I’ve had to say no to potential business – they wanted me to compromise the value of my services – and there’s been a lot of “what ifs” and self-doubt. The difference is that I set a “no compromise” policy when it comes to potential business – even when I’m scared about the future. Contrary to popular belief, faith isn’t merely the absence of fear. It’s the ability to walk through it. It’s ironic that in doing so, I experience more success than I ever have, and my clients benefit as well. Moreover, it’s brought me far more meaningful projects and one’s that I’m more passionate about.

There are times when compromise is necessary. After all, the world isn’t always black and white and relationships – personal, business, and social – are fluid, never static. We “go along to get along”; but compromising who (and who’s) I am, is not up for negotiation. The Rabbi asked:

“If God gives such attention to the wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do her is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving… Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, and God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out! You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met”. (Matthew 6.30-33 The Message)

Fear still creeps in, but I don’t compromise my value today. I do good work. I listen to my client and the needs of their audience. That’s highly valuable to my client, my community, and myself. That seems to spur me on to an even better work for them – and myself. Moreover, I don’t worry (at least not as much!) like I used to. It’s definitely the “easier, softer way” (some of you know where I got that…) of living I always dreamed of. It’s so much easier to do and be my best when I’m willing to say “no” to compromise. I’m a “people-pleaser” by nature so saying “no” wasn’t so easy at first, but it’s become easier, and I’ve grown from it’s benefits.

There was a show on television yesterday about the decade of the Eighties and I saw a clip about Nancy Reagan’s “Just say no” anti-drug campaign. I’m not so sure it was a great motto for avoiding drugs, but it sure makes living in my skin a lot easier. My advice to you then is “Just say No”…

Christianity, Chronic Illness, Faith, Gardening, Health, Recovery, Relationships, Spirituality, Trust, Uncategorized

Grateful Gardening

gregoryjoel

Today could more accurately be titled “Thoughts from the Garden”. I still haven’t been able to get back to the morning routine. Margaret had a procedure this morning to alleviate some of the pain in her back. Everything went well, and we are waiting anxiously to see if it helps. So, instead of the porch I spent some time in the garden. When I got home Thursday, the plants had grown huge during my absence –  beans, yellow squash, tomatoes, and peppers were abundantly ripe for the picking. It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to raise our own produce (which is far more delicious than the local grocery store to boot!) when we keep it organic and do it God’s way.

I have to take a lot of breaks while spending time in the garden. Apparently, I’m not supposed to sweat because of my PICC line, so as not to get another infection. I’m following the doctor’s orders, although I not sure how I’m going to stay sweat-free during the summertime in Texas. I only need to open the front door and I’m suddenly thankful for anti-perspirant. I wonder if I can smear it all over. I’m just saying…

I’m really excited about being home and more grateful than you can possibly know. I have a couple of projects that need to be completed for work and there is one special project that I can’t wait to tell you about. I plan to begin sharing some of the details as we grow closer to its launch. It’s one that you can all be a part of in some way. I’m bursting at the seams to tell somebody! Patience, patience, patience…

Life, with all its inherent ups and downs is so much easier when I stay grateful. Unfortunately, I suffer from the all-too human malady of self-centeredness that makes staying grateful difficult at times. I forget how to “roll with the flow” and I like to “complicate the cornflakes” as my friend Jim used to say. I have this little switch inside that shifts poles from positive to negative whenever I feel threatened – and by “threatened” I mean fearful and, If I’m really honest, it simply means I’m afraid I won’t get my way. I’ve gotten far less self-centered as I’ve grown older, but it’s still easy to drop gratitude like a hot rock when I get in fear of not getting what I want or losing what I have. Sometimes, it’s relatively easy to get it back and sometimes it’s not. Either way, I know gratitude is the stabilizer on my ride through life.

Gratitude is one of those “Which came first – the chicken or the egg?” Zen-like questions. When I am grateful for the life I have, I seem to be at peace and I’m able to act from a center of kindness and compassion. Then there are times when peace and serenity is the farthest thing from my mind, but I act kindly toward the world around me, my attitude changes and I become grateful. I finally decide to quit trying to figure it out and just let it happen.

I have a friend in recovery who always says, “a grateful addict will never use”. I’ve found that to be true in recovery from addiction, but one doesn’t have to be an addict to appreciate that statement. My experience with people from all walks of life and, regardless of their issues, has shown me that kind, caring and loving people always seem to exude gratitude – they take nothing for granted. Essentially, grateful people find it difficult to be selfish and self-centered and always seem to be the people I want to be around. I don’t have a bunch of initials behind my name, and I can’t cite specific studies or offer scientific proof for why gratitude is essential to living well. It just is, at least as far as I can see…

I don’t want to take up anyone’s Friday-before-Memorial Day weekend with a long post, but I encourage you all to practice gratitude. You see, gratitude takes practice. You only “feel” it by practicing it, because at it’s heart, it’s a verb, an action, a way of living. I must admit, I had difficulty with gratitude for a long time. Over the years I learned to listen to my “predecessors”, people who were farther along in life. They told me that if I was having difficulty with the gratitude thing, then make a list of the things I’m grateful for. It was a pretty short list starting out. I had a friend everyone called “I ate today Stan” because he was always grateful for a roof over his head and eating that day. He probably taught me more about being grateful than anyone. I really miss him but I’m so thankful he was my friend. “Just keep it simple”. I did and now the list fills a lot of legal pads…

Christianity, Faith, Gardening, Prayer, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Gardens and Home Depot

gregoryjoel

The last few days have been incredibly busy – busy enough to put my thoughts from the porch on the back burner and take care of business. I must say there’s a feeling of satisfaction drawing lines through the items on the “To Do” list. The list is still longer than I’d like, but shorter than it was yesterday. I’ll chalk it up as a win. Unfortunately, I know it’s only temporary. My wife’s in the other room watching a whole season of HGTV’s Fixer-Upper. The list is growing longer as we speak…

I spent some time on the porch and retreated to my office to catch up on emails and check the morning newsfeeds. One service, who shall remain anonymous, listed seven top stories. Number five on the list was actual news about what’s going on in the world. Number seven was a good human-interest story related to a victim of the Waffle House shootings several days ago. The number one top story was about Tom Brady’s tuxedo choice and the rest were about the difficulties and fashion faux pas` of other celebrities. And we wonder how our elected officials got to where they are…

I generally start my mornings with some prayer time followed up with perusing my newsfeeds before sitting down to my workday. Maybe my routine should be the other way around though. I seem to need to pray more after I see what’s going on in the world. I refuse to be that guy who sits around bemoaning the state of the nation and society in general. I may be getting older, but I’m not an old codger. Then again, one doesn’t have to be old to be an “old codger”.

My experience has taught me that it’s not important what you do, it’s important what I do. Sometimes that feels like a cop-out, a resignation to what’s going on around me, but I know it’s not. “That’s just the way it is” and “you can’t fight city hall” are unacceptable answers for me today. I can be part of the problem or part of the solution. There’s no middle ground for me. I’d rather be part of the solution. To paraphrase Jesus, “I can either serve God, living as a citizen of His kingdom, or I can serve the same old, tired system of consumerism and scarcity”. I think I’d rather be a citizen of His kingdom…

My actions may not seem like much, and truth be known, they aren’t when taken separately. For instance, I care about the environment I live in. I can’t stop Big Ag from using GMO seeds and increasing amounts of fertilizers that drain the life from the soil. Oh, I can sign petitions and write letters to the appropriate officials. It may do absolutely nothing to sway their actions, but I keep sending and signing anyway. Moreover, I treat my own yard and garden with care, using only organic methods that restore and rejuvenate the soil. Maybe my neighbors see a difference in my yard and want to try something different. Hopefully, my actions affect someone else.

I was at Home Depot the other day. The check-out line was long and excruciatingly slow. I had a tight schedule and that seemed to add to the delay. The cashier was helping an older lady who was having some difficulty getting her credit card to go through. Behind her in line was a large, gruff man who huffed and puffed about how Home Depot was always so slow and inconvenienced him. I silently prayed that the elderly lady at the check-out didn’t hear him. When she finally closed out her sale, the man stepped up and began to berate the cashier with a series of expletives about her and Home Depot. I felt really bad for the young cashier, but I admired her ability to refrain from responding in a negative way.

When I got to the register all I could say was how sorry I was for her to be treated that way. She smiled and said, “thank you” and I could see her holding back the tears. I told her how grateful I was for her example and patience. She seemed to be struck by the kind words. I don’t have any idea how the rest of her day went. I do know that, for a moment, her world was a letter brighter. Maybe, just maybe, she got a glimpse of the kingdom. Acts of kindness are better done intentionally than randomly.

Nothing I do will change the world in general or society at large. Life will go on. My news feed will be filled with stories of violence, fear, and celebrity tuxedo choices, and so on. Yet, what I do does affect the world around me. I’d like to think that the cashier at Home Depot had a better day, and I know that the produce from my garden will taste far better than anything I could have gotten at the store…

Christianity, Chronic Illness, Faith, Gardening, Health, Prayer, Recovery, Relationships, Spirituality, Trust, Uncategorized

It’s probably nothing…

gregoryjoel

The rain of Friday gave way to brilliant sunny mornings for the weekend. Still, my grandson’s Friday scrimmage and the Saturday game were cancelled due to the condition of the field. It was way too muddy to play. I’m sorry we missed the game, but a cancellation means he wasn’t disappointed. The case of Chicken Pox he came down with this week would have kept him from playing anyway. Every cloud has a silver lining, right? Thankfully, his vaccinations may not have prevented the pox, but they have limited the severity of them. Just thought I’d throw that in for the “anti-vaccers”, since he probably caught it from one of your kids…

Since there was no game Saturday, I’ve had more time on the porch. I’ve been somewhat distracted the last few days. I’ve been at the doctor several times this week undergoing sonograms and CT scans. I won’t bore you with all the details. It’s probably issues with some old stuff. It’s probably nothing and the doctor is just being safe. My healthcare team tends to be extremely watchful as I get older; particularly with my medical history. I really appreciate that. I’m grateful that I have some wonderful doctors. That isn’t the case for everyone.

Despite the great healthcare I’ve received, overcoming past physical obstacles, and all the faith I claim to have, I still get fearful during the periods of “not knowing” – the period of waiting for test results. It’s a difficult state of mind for me. Even though I have 100% proof of God’s care and grace I’ll immediately go to the worst scenario possible and be in hospice by the end of the day. That may sound foolish and a little crazy to some of you, but I have a feeling that such thought processes are more common than one might think – especially for people with HIV/AIDS or other chronic physical conditions.

My friend Edgar told me there are five answers to prayer – yes, no, maybe, wait, and “are you crazy?”. “Yes” is my favorite, although “are you crazy?” is more frequent. The one I like hearing the least is “wait”. Mom used to tell me “patience” is a virtue. Apparently, I have a long way to go to be virtuous – especially when it involves something of importance to me like my health. I keep hearing over and over in my head, the old Tom Petty song, “…the waiting is the hardest part…”. Experience has taught me that he’s right…

My thoughts go way out left whenever I’m confronted with my powerlessness over life (particularly mine!). It doesn’t matter what the situation is. My first thoughts are almost always wrong. Rather than trust that God already has the solution to my dilemma figured out, I spend my time praying over and over for the result I want to see instead of praying “Thy will be done”. I try to exercise some degree of control over a situation in which I have none whatsoever. Thankfully, my time in left field has become shorter over the years. Recovery has given me a “pause button” of sorts. My first thought may be wrong, but my first response (action) is often more fitted to the situation.

It’s a little easier to get back in the game when I realize that God has my best interests at heart regardless of the outcome. I get to experience some relief from my fears and relax. I’ve learned that, for me anyway, impatience is always centered in fear. Today I choose to be centered in love, and “perfect love casts out all fear”.

I’m grateful I have a God, my Abba, who isn’t the least bit worried about the craziness and feelings of doubt going on in my head. I grew up thinking that God’s care and love were dependent on my performance; that any kind of doubt or questioning showed a lack of faith. That’s no longer my truth today. I’ve learned to accept myself better because of the God who accepts me just as I am, without reservations.

Fundamentally, for me anyway, patience is about trust. Do I trust that the God I’ve come to know has got my back? Definitely. Has He ever failed to care for me? Never! Then why do I doubt? Maybe it’s because I’m human and I still get scared from time to time about things I can’t control. So, what now?

I’ve got a house to clean up, a yard to mow, a wife to spend time with today, dogs to walk, a garden to tend (and fresh strawberries!), and the list goes on. In the midst of my doubt I find myself filled with gratitude and now it’s not so difficult to practice patience. Amazing how that works. I’m off to pick some berries…

Christianity, Gardening, Recovery, Service Organizations, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Connections

gregoryjoel

I apologize in advance for any errors in this morning’s post. My “editor” is out of pocket this morning. It’s difficult to edit myself, but I wanted to get this morning’s thoughts out there. I hope you understand…

I’m a little “bum-fuzzled” this morning. Margaret was up early this morning to accompany our nephew and his wife to their final custody hearing at the court in Dallas. It threw a wrench into our (and of course, “my”) daily routine. I’m constantly amazed to find that I’ve become such a creature of habit. I’ve always thought of myself as somewhat spontaneous in spirit, but as I grow older, quite the opposite is true. I’m becoming my father. That’s not such a bad thing, mind you. My Dad was a loving and wise man who found joy and freedom in structure. I’m not sure how I feel about it though…

Margaret has a rough time in the mornings. She normally eases into the morning, allowing her body to adjust from sleeping to waking and moving about. It takes a lot of strength, perseverance, and determination to overcome the pain she suffers upon awakening to an early schedule. I’m reminded how much I love my wife and what an example she is for me. If someone needs her, she’s there regardless, of painful physical obstacles. I hope that I can be as self-less and loving as she is. I’m a better man because of my wife. Sometimes, I feel she was short-changed in this deal. Grace is truly a wonderful thing…

Anyway, I admit I’m a little scattered this morning. I pray gentle reader, that my thoughts are somewhat coherent. I had a couple of cups of coffee and some time to regroup my faculties, so here goes…

Over the last several weeks I’ve been blessed to be working with a local non-profit on an urban garden project. Although they are not a faith-based organization, I’ve had a good look at how ecological stewardship and community-building works in God’s world, in his kingdom. I could’ve have missed it if I relegated them to “just” another secular organization. Sometimes I think good Christian folks could learn a great deal from people who simply help others without regard to their religious belief or lack thereof.

I’m grateful that my consulting work has introduced me to a group of people, believers, who truly are workers in God’s kingdom. They don’t preach with words. They preach with action. They love others and plant seeds – literally. As a result, they have an incredible harvest with an abundance of fresh produce and fresh hearts. It seems I’ve heard that parable before…

So, I’d like to give a shout-out and a thank you to the folks at Bonton Farms in Dallas. I could write all day about stewardship and service in God’s kingdom. I’d like to show you how it works instead. I encourage you to visit their website at www.bontonfarms.org and see for yourself the transformation taking place in the lives of individuals and the community there.

“The kingdom is like…” It’s like Bonton. It’s like recovery. It’s like a mustard seed or a wee bit of yeast…

I always loved parables – wisdom coming from ordinary, everyday things, and situations. My favorite ones are the “kingdom is like” stories that draw on nature. I’ve found recovery, and hence my faith, is like a tiny seed that transforms into something bigger and better, bearing a great harvest. That tiny seed some wonderful people planted in me is growing, and I pray I bear better fruit today; that my actions are attractive and appealing to others.

What really strikes me over the last few weeks is the connection between people that takes place from the simple act of planting a seed. I saw it at Bonton Farms and I’ve seen it in the gardens I’ve been honored to work with in the past. Something about tending the soil and allowing God to produce the harvest has a profound effect on the people involved. The food and the flowers are important. They improve people’s lives by their simple taste and beauty. What’s really important, though, is that by connecting with the soil, we begin to connect with one another.

The kingdom really is like  a tiny mustard seed…