Category: Writing

Christianity, Faith, Family, Gratitude, Marriage, Neighbors, Prayer, Recovery, Relationships, Simplicity, Trust, Uncategorized, Writing

Going Underground

gregoryjoel

I feel a little bit like Garrison Keillor sending you news from Lake Wobegone when I tell you about the porch, but I don’t think I’ll stop. I enjoy sharing the peace I find there. I hope it’s not too much information, but it’s my porch, my wandering thoughts, and my blog so here goes…

It’s back to being unseasonably warm here on the porch. We were blessed by a decent rain and cooler temperatures for a couple of days, but the heat has returned with a vengeance and it looks like the first full day of summer will top out at 100 degrees. Our dogs run outsider to bark at passers-by and then run back to lay down in front of the air conditioner vents. Even the squirrels seem to have slowed down with the heat…

Despite the warm morning, I sent quite a while with my lovely wife, discussing the comings and goings of the day. She tends to wake up before I do, which is early, and I usually turn on the news whilst going through my morning routine. It provides fodder for our coffee time on the porch, though some mornings we say nothing at all other than ‘good morning’. I never imagined I’d be so comfortable sitting with someone in complete silence, simply enjoying one another’s presence.

I’ve become a voracious reader since I started Thoughts From the Porch. I’ve encountered a fantastic community of other writers who share their thoughts and feelings, and in turn stir my own thinking. For that I’m truly grateful. One of the benefits of growing older is that I can pull books that I’ve already read a couple of times from my home library and re-read them like they are brand new (or almost brand new as I haven’t yet reached that stage of dementia…). One of my favorite writers is Brennan Manning. I’ve mentioned The Ragamuffin Gospel before, but he writes of deep spiritual insights in each of his books. I guess one can never cease writing of the love and grace of the Master…

One of his ideas kept ringing through my head this morning: the idea that perhaps the church should go underground once again. In the early days of Christianity there were no church buildings, only the occasional local synagogue and temples to the various gods worshipped by the Greco-Roman world. Early followers of Christ worshipped in various homes, often starting and ending their days together in prayer and worship. They’d then go about their day, usually along a path that often brought them in conflict with the rest of the culture.

There was something that identified them as ‘different’. I don’t think it was the same pious, self-righteousness that people tend to think of when they think of the ‘church’ today. I think it had more to do with the fact they followed a different Lord than the rest of the Empire. While the Roman Empire declared Caesar to be the ‘Son of God’, these people followed a different king. Their King offered a new commandment, one strange enough to the people around them to identify them as followers of Jesus.

Jesus said, “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples – when they see the love you have for one another.” (John 14.34-35 The Message). Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t time to ‘go underground’ again, to meet quietly somewhere so that folks don’t identify Jesus followers with a building or a denomination. Rather, Christians would by identified by how they love one another. I kind of take Jesus at His word and that’s how I’d like to be known.

Sharing one’s faith is done by action and not by words. Dad used to tell me that words mean nothing until they’re put into action – “talking the talk instead of walking the walk”. Maybe that’s why churches receive such a bad rap sometimes – words and actions don’t always match up. I’m not sure I want to be identified with them…

Nobody is perfect. I get it. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and there are more times than not that my words don’t match up to my actions. Just ask my wife, my children or anyone who knows me (thank goodness the grandkids are still young enough to think I am…). I’m just another one of the Rabbi’s disciples and I still have a lot to learn. Maybe it is time to go underground, to become identifiable by how I love one others, instead of being associated with a building or self-righteous, often condemning view of non-Christians. I can’t help but think that it would either invite persecution for being ‘different’ or it would invite conversation about the Good News. I don’t know. Think about it. It’s just a thought…

Christianity, Emotional Health, Faith, Freelancing, Gardening, Prayer, Recovery, Relationships, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Writing

No Compromise…

gregoryjoel

I didn’t spend much time on the porch this morning. I don’t handle the heat as well as I used to. The little buddy on my hip, my IV infusion, makes the heat even more difficult to bear. I’m glad I made some changes in my professional life over the past year, but I really miss being outdoors much of the time. At least I’m able to spend time in my garden, even if it is in short spurts. I’m sure I’ll be able to be out more after this IV infusion therapy is over in a couple of months. Remember the “patience is a virtue” thing…

I’m grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given to practice patience today. I’m often guilty of trying to stay so busy that I fail to take care of myself. When I’m so busy that I let myself get run down it becomes difficult to hear the gentler, quiet voice of creation. I begin to feel “irritable, restless, and discontent”, as my elders warned me I would. I start to resent having to meet others needs and move toward total self-centeredness. Feeling too tired and over-stretched is a dangerous place for me to be.

I mention all this because of an article I read this morning that really struck me “right between the eyes”. It was talking about taking on work that compromises my values, my self-worth, and the future of my business. As a business owner and freelance writer, it really hit home. If I’m honest, I’ve been guilty of compromise and thus, suffered the consequences.

Thirteen years ago, I started a back-to-work program for a local non-profit providing transitional housing and social services for the homeless HIV/AIDS community. What I don’t often share, lest it affect my professional life, is that I was one of those on the receiving end of their services. I had only been in recovery for a few months but had lost my home, my health, and my family when I finally surrendered and began a new chapter in my life. I had been fortunate enough to do well professionally (if one can do well) until the last few months of my active addiction. My experience in business writing, operations management, and Human Resources made starting such a program much easier. Still, I’m grateful for the “gift of desperation” that led to a new relationship with the God of my understanding.

The “back-to-work” program, Hope Works, grew quickly: not so much in the number of people participating as in the profitability of the landscape portion of the program. To make a long story short, I was asked to buy-out that portion of the program and spent the last few years as a landscape and an outdoor living contractor. That’s when things changed.

Fear is an insidious beast that creeps in slowly. The article I mentioned earlier said that there were times when compromise is appropriate: like when first starting out for instance. I’m not sure I agree with that. My experience has taught me that lowering price to get the job has far reaching consequences. If the purpose of my business is to gain repeat customers and personal referrals, then the existing or potential customer learns to value my time and energy less for the next job. Moreover, I begin to resent the time I’m spending on their job. My resentment increases and my self-worth decreases. I treat people how to treat me. Go figure!

Every time I’ve compromised to get a job there have been consequences. Personally, and as a landscape contractor I’ve always worked organically, without the use of chemicals and pesticides that I know damage the creation I’m to be a steward of. For the first few years I had a policy of “organic only”. I wouldn’t take on a customer who wanted something other than organic lawn and garden care. However, after my first stroke I lost a lot of customers because I had to reschedule so many jobs. When I got back to full-time work I began to compromise my “organic only” policy. I needed to rebuild my business! The “what ifs” had crept in. It may sound silly to you, but I felt terrible because I knew I had violated my values. Although I’d offered a temporary solution to their landscaping issue, I’d caused long-term damage to their yard and the creation I’m so passionate about defending.

So why do I compromise? Simply put, it’s because I’m scared. Intellectually, I know that God loves me and holds me in high regard. He’s never let me down. Looking backward, the evidence of His care is 100% true. I can intellectually know that and still be in emotional fear. What if I don’t get the job? What if I go without? How do I provide for my family? The questions go on and on. Where is my faith in the middle of all of this? I’m convinced that fear is the root of all my troubles – I compromise out of fear.

There were many reasons why I decided to return to freelancing full-time – I’m getting older, I don’t handle the heat as well as I used to, the frustrations of dealing with employees and subcontractors, and the fact that I can be at home more often for Margaret – but the bottom line is that I’m good at what I do, and I bring value to my clients. Starting this new business venture has been slow-going and frustrating at times. I’ve had to say no to potential business – they wanted me to compromise the value of my services – and there’s been a lot of “what ifs” and self-doubt. The difference is that I set a “no compromise” policy when it comes to potential business – even when I’m scared about the future. Contrary to popular belief, faith isn’t merely the absence of fear. It’s the ability to walk through it. It’s ironic that in doing so, I experience more success than I ever have, and my clients benefit as well. Moreover, it’s brought me far more meaningful projects and one’s that I’m more passionate about.

There are times when compromise is necessary. After all, the world isn’t always black and white and relationships – personal, business, and social – are fluid, never static. We “go along to get along”; but compromising who (and who’s) I am, is not up for negotiation. The Rabbi asked:

“If God gives such attention to the wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do her is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving… Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, and God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out! You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met”. (Matthew 6.30-33 The Message)

Fear still creeps in, but I don’t compromise my value today. I do good work. I listen to my client and the needs of their audience. That’s highly valuable to my client, my community, and myself. That seems to spur me on to an even better work for them – and myself. Moreover, I don’t worry (at least not as much!) like I used to. It’s definitely the “easier, softer way” (some of you know where I got that…) of living I always dreamed of. It’s so much easier to do and be my best when I’m willing to say “no” to compromise. I’m a “people-pleaser” by nature so saying “no” wasn’t so easy at first, but it’s become easier, and I’ve grown from it’s benefits.

There was a show on television yesterday about the decade of the Eighties and I saw a clip about Nancy Reagan’s “Just say no” anti-drug campaign. I’m not so sure it was a great motto for avoiding drugs, but it sure makes living in my skin a lot easier. My advice to you then is “Just say No”…

Christianity, Citizenship, Class, Community, Concervatives, Culture, Emotional Health, Faith, Family, Friendship, Generations, Gratitude, Neighbors, Politics, Prayer, Recovery, Relationships, Simplicity, Spirituality, Uncategorized, What Can I Do, Writing

Dinosaurs…

gregoryjoel

Today I was asked to repost this, and given the long list of things to do today, I’m grateful for the brevity required to put this up today. I wish all of you a wonderful and blessed day!

It’s raining today here in Fort Worth. It’s the kind of Spring rain I love: constant, but not too heavy, gently soaking the soil, and intensifying the vibrant greens of the trees beyond my porch. I’ll be picking strawberries this weekend! It’s the perfect morning for sitting here and simply enjoying the day. My thoughts stray and wander among the raindrops. All is well, except for the dogged determination of one little bugger that keeps asking me why good people do messed up things…

Many of you know that I tend to be a news junkie. It’s a habit I acquired in high school and college, long before the “24 Hour News Cycle” and the up-to-the minute “reporting” of the Internet. I was a student activist majoring in Political Science and had some pretty high ideals. I guess everyone thinks they can change the world when they’re young, but the reality of family, jobs, bills, and the often unfortunate drudgery of adult living hasn’t set in.

My motivations have changed over the years. I still watch the news (more than I should), it still drives me to some degree of activism and usually, insanity. The high ideals of my youth have come full circle. The difference today is in the lens that I view the world with. Today I see things differently because of my relationship with the God of my understanding. I’ve talked about that “lens” a lot. I apologize for any redundancy in my posts. Just think of a blind man suddenly seeing for the first time and maybe you’ll understand my obsession (one of the better ones that have dominated my life!) with visual clarity.

Seeing the world differently has enabled me to see all sides of the story. I say all sides because, as my friend Jim used to say, “There’s three sides to every story – yours, mine, and the truth”. I must confess that growing older, and hopefully a wee bit wiser, has helped broaden my vision as well. That’s probably why I understand “conservatives” better.

That being said, I hate political and social labels like conservative or liberal, Republican or Democrat, and socialist or libertarian. They seem to be ways of dismissing anyone who doesn’t agree with you. It’s just one more way we divide into “us versus them”. Moreover, they don’t really define who we are. Most, if not all, of us are not the labels we use to define one another.

I am not the labels you assign me, nor are you the labels I often find myself assigning to you. I still do that even though I know it’s not true for any of us. Changing one’s way of thinking is a difficult and most likely (for me anyway), an impossible task. It took a new relationship with a power greater than myself to transform my thinking and, more importantly, my actions. I’ve grown a little less judgmental as a result. My vision is beginning to clear.

I’ve come to re-prioritize my belief structure and activism. Things that seemed so important in my younger days have been put on the back burner, and more often than not, taken off the stove completely. Social justice and peace are fantastic things to work toward and my calling toward them hasn’t changed, but the locale has. I’m not going to change the world, but I am going to change my response to it. I probably won’t change my Senator’s vote (especially our Senators!), but the way I live may influence someone else to live a little more loving and kind right here in my neighborhood. I’m not going to impact Washington, D.C. but I am going to do things different right here in Fort Worth, Texas. I’m going to look beyond the labels and be a little kinder, courteous and, hopefully, a lot more accepting. Above all, if I’m to be labeled, I hope I’m thought of as one of those crazy followers of the Rabbi…

It’s a little easier to be an “us” today. There’s far less of “them’ today. I still have differences of opinion with people on political, social, and economic issues. Cultural differences are hard to get past at times. I continue for clarity, to see people as God sees them, and they become easier to understand. If the truth be known, becoming older has made it easier to understand people who want to “conserve” old ways of thinking and acting. Change is difficult at best…

When I came in from the porch, Margaret was watching old episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. I couldn’t help but think of how wonderful and idyllic a place like Mayberry would be. I know a lot of other people, at least Baby-Boomers like myself, who share in my feelings. Nostalgia, no matter how well-intentioned lacks any foundation. There never was a Mayberry. Even in the early sixties it was just a TV show. It may have mirrored a simpler time, but not reality. I grew up in the last few years of the Jim Crow South. I know. I still recall the resistance to civil rights and acceptance of horrors like Vietnam. The reality makes me wonder about one’s motivation toward conservatism. How can you” conserve” an illusion; something that never was?

I was meeting with a business mentor of mine a while back and he pointed out that I’m a dinosaur. I know he was referring to my lack of technological savvy (I can still create great content though!). I don’t need any reminders that I need to ask my grandchildren for technical support sometimes but, if I’m honest, I am a dinosaur and I’m okay with that. There are times I wish we lacked some of the communication, informational and mis-informational ability in our world today. Just because you saw it on the Internet doesn’t make it true, if you know what I mean. There’s enough crap out there to cement anyone’s convictions – real or imagined.

I have a long, long way to go in my journey toward the kingdom where God’s will “is done on earth as it is in heaven”. My experience is one that tells me to move forward down the path and don’t look back. I’ve made my fair share of detours and walked in a lot of circles. The cool thing is that you have, too. We’re far more alike than either of us would like to admit. Maybe we can set aside the labels, lending a helping hand and try to figure out how to help navigate to wherever both of us are headed…

Christianity, Recovery, Service Organizations, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Writing

Oops…

gregoryjoel

The last couple of days have been a little hectic. I spent Monday doing some manual labor for our two of our kids. I enjoy throwing on the work boots and getting dirty. I love my work but it’s nice to get outside and work hard occasionally. I’m fortunate that I’m able to break up the routine from time to time. Most people don’t have that opportunity. Unfortunately, it made for a very busy Tuesday and a lot of aching muscles. That happens more often as I get older. That was one of the motivating factors in making the change to full-time writing…

I made the decision last year to go back to school, update my credentials, and begin freelancing again as a content and copy writer. I’ve been blessed to have great business mentors and a wealth of experience to help me make the transition. I was sitting on the porch this morning, reflecting on how grateful I am for that fortune, when I suddenly realized I had made a huge blunder in the process of this transition. I violated one of the fundamental rules of business, at least for people like me…

I started posting my daily “Thoughts From the Porch” on my Facebook page. Unfortunately, posting directly to Facebook instead of sharing a blog post raises issues of ownership. Naturally, I was thrilled to start blogging from my website, www.gregoryjoel.com. This is my web presence from a business standpoint and I keep it as professional as possible (which is why I constantly edit and update it!). Some of you already where I’m going with this…

My blog is a bit different. I share thoughts on things other than business, especially when it comes to my faith, how I see the world, and who (and who’s) I am. I make no excuses for that. While I don’t like to wear my recovery on my sleeve, I can’t deny it’s an important part of my spirituality and my faith. Recovery is what gave me a relationship with the God of my understanding. That’s what guides me as a professional. Unfortunately, the business community (and often society as a whole!) looks at it differently. It dawned on me that I had shot myself in the foot, professionally. It was right there for potential clients to read. Like my friend Jim used to tell me, “Sober don’t mean stupid son”. In boxing, they call it “leading with the chin”…

My mind raced with questions and self-doubt. How could I have been so foolish? What do I do now? I sat there feeling nothing but panic and failure. It was then a Casting Crowns’ song came on the stereo and stopped those thoughts dead in their tracks: “Just be held… your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place”. I paused, took a deep breath, and looked back at all the times I failed in the past and how they turned into blessings when I saw them differently. My vision had changed. Like my friend Edgar tells me, “we have a new pair of glasses”. I began to see my present dilemma differently, too.

One of the things I’ve come to know with a degree of certainty is that I am not my failures, nor am I unique. I used to think I was, and sometimes, like this morning, I still feel that way. I just don’t feel like that all the time. I see the past differently today and accept the grace that has been, and is, given so freely. By accepting that grace I’ve learned to accept myself and my failures. I trust that they made me the man I am today. I’m comfortable with the “Popeye Principle”: “I am what I am and that’s all that I am”. I’m just another one of God’s kids. So, I guess prospective clients will simply see me the way they see me.

I’ve learned (usually the hard way) that it’s not important what you think of me, nor what I think of me, but what God thinks of me. His grace and mercy lead me to live differently: in my personal and business relationships, in the world I live in, and to measure success in a new (and sometimes uncommon) way. Is my word my bond? Am I honest? Am I helping others, whether it’s personally or professionally? Do I live with integrity today? Do I live and work graciously and gratefully and treat you the same – with grace and dignity? When I live to love him and love others everything changes. Failures become life lessons and opportunities – to learn, to grow, and be of service to my family, friends, and fellows. Hopefully, others will see that as well. If not, then it is what it is. “I am what I am and that’s all that I am…”

Writing

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gregoryjoel

I woke up this morning with a busy “to do” list. Margaret and I get to spend the weekend camping with good friends. The break will be appreciated even if it’s only for a couple of days, but there’s still much to be taken care of today. At least there was…

I received an unexpected phone call this morning. My friend Jim passed away yesterday. Somehow the “to do” list seemed unimportant.

So I sit here this morning thinking about my friend. Ironically, yesterday I ran across a picture of us together at his 20 year birthday roast. That was twenty one years ago. I had to laugh. My memory’s not that great at times, but I certainly remember that night. Some of the guys he mentored got together and made a plaque of our favorite “Jim-ism’s” to present at his roast. Mine was “this thing is too damn serious to be taken so damn seriously”. Even when life showed up with all it’s difficulties and stress, he taught me to not take it so seriously and to look for the joy. So, we all shared our favorite stories, laughed, and expressed our love and gratitude for having him in our lives.

I could go on for many pages with “Jim” stories, but I’ll just share one. I share it with you because he would share it with anyone, whether they were in the recovery process from substance abuse or not (I don’t want to break anyone else’s anonymity). You see, I struggled to get clean from my addiction. I became a real knucklehead. I would collect a few days clean here and there; even a few weeks or months, but I simply couldn’t stay that way.

Jim saw me one day, after I’d been “out there” and was trying one more time to stay clean. I went to say hello and give him a hug. That didn’t go as planned. He pushed me away and said, “Don’t hug me. I don’t hug tourist” (those who “visit” but don’t stick with it). At the time, I recall the hurt and devastation I felt from this man I admired and loved. In hindsight I know the wisdom behind his actions. It was probably one of the best things someone had ever done for me. A few months later, I got clean and sober  and stayed that way for the last twelve and a half years: the best years of my life.

But that’s not the end of the story…

You see, after I really got into my recovery I would be with Jim in a groups of friends or a Bible study and he would tell that story every time. I would cringe every time we got together. If I’m honest , it was a little embarrassing and humiliating at first. Although I wished he wouldn’t tell the story, I came to accept that he was my friend and there was no ill intent.

I’m not blind to the reality that I’m in the “fourth quarter of the game” as another friend likes to reminds me, but I guess I’ve always seen Jim, and myself, as we were in that picture. I just always thought he’d be there. Now I wish I’d spent more time with him. That tends to happen this late in the game.

What I can tell you today is this: I really wish I could hear that story one more time. I really miss my friend.

 

 

 

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton