” Was it possible to carry on along through all the years, the decades, through an entire life without once being brave enough to go against what was there and yet call yourself a Christian, and face yourself in the mirror?” – Claire Keegan, “Small Things Like These” (2021)
Category: Choices
I Used to Worry…
My first year at Opal’s Farm was interesting to say the least. I’d never farmed. I’d had lots of experience with community gardens, but I had never farmed. I only had a few hand tools and a BCS two-wheeled tractor, a wide-open space to use it, and I was the only laborer to do so. There was no money in the farm account and even what little seed we had was donated. That also meant I didn’t get paid unless some grant money came through or we had a huge harvest – neither of which appeared to be happening soon.
Fortunately, I had a great mentor come into my life, Charlie Blaylock, who owned Shines Farmstand, guided me through the process of becoming a farmer. A month into the project I received help from our first volunteer, Brendan, who stayed with me every day through that first growing season. He put that BCS tractor to work. Although our first growing season met with some moderate success it was nowhere near enough to get paid so I went without a paycheck for the first year.
I believed in the farm. My wife and I had a very small savings account to draw on, and although it wasn’t near enough to pay all the bills, I went to work each day. The money finally ran out in October, and I was so worried and stressed out to the point that I came home and told Margaret that I was going to have to go work elsewhere. My wife, who is one of the most spiritual and faithful people I know, looked at me and said, “Greg, we prayed for a long time about this, and I know this is where God wants you to be. Give it another month before you decide what to do”.
I exclaimed, “Baby, we’ll lose the house if we can’t make the mortgage payment!”
She smiled and simply said, “We had a roof over our heads when we moved in didn’t we?” Needless to say, I’m still there seven years later and the farm is thriving.
You see, I received a call from our Executive Director at eight o’clock the following morning. She told me we’d received a grant from Visit Fort Worth, and she’d have a check for me later that day. I called my wife and told her the great news and stopped to have a little conversation with God. “God, I’m stubborn and thickheaded. I know you told me not to worry about things like that. You have my back. It’s all yours from now on. I’m just going to do the work you gave me each day and you take care of the rest.”
I’ve told this story many times over the last seven years. I’ve even had to remind myself several times this year when funding cuts led to staff layoffs and irregular paychecks. Texas Health Community Hope and the Conservation and Environment Fund at North Texas Community Foundation stepped up to help us in enormous ways to continue the great work at Opal’s Farm.
I’d like to say that my life is free of worry, but that would be a lie. I just worry less about myself and more about others. It seems there’s a lot to worry about these days with all the chaos, hatred, and harm being directed at folks, but doing what I can to ease another’s burden, especially in food justice and serving the marginalized communities around us, there’s less worry and more action.
I don’t worry (well, most of the time anyway…) about results and just do the work. I also remember I spent way too much of life worrying about things that just didn’t matter. I have “enough” and life’s pretty damn good.
From another patron saint of Texas music and one of Fort Worth’s favorite sons – Delbert McClinton along with the great Francine Reed.
“There are two ways to get enough: one is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.” – G. K. Chesterton
“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
“The world says, the more you take, the more you have. Christ says, the more you give, the more you are.” — Frederick Buechner
Giving Thanks in All Things
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday. We had a wonderful day with food, family, and Dallas Cowboys football, I normally have a little anxiety around family gatherings being the introvert that I am. My social battery tends to run low after a couple of hours, but this year it lasted from around two in the afternoon until after ten o’clock in the evening. I normally am worn out after being around people, even loved ones for so long. This year was different. I was tired, but happy to have spent our time together. Something special happened this year that been somewhat absent in the past.
One of my wife’s family traditions is to take time between Thanksgiving dinner and dessert to read a passage of scripture and go around the table and have each person tell what they are grateful for. I won’t go into details except to tell you that each of us found deeper appreciation for each other and the grace we’ve been given. This year the passage was from I Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live” (The Message Bible). Good advice to everyone no matter what their faith I’d say.
“Thank God No Matter What Happens”
No matter what happens. Most of us find it easy to be grateful when things are going well for us. It’s equally easy to take the good times for granted, but we’re going to focus on gratitude only here. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gratitude as: “Gratitude noun – the state of being grateful.” When everything seems to be okay – the rent’s paid, there’s food on the table, we can afford a nice vacation or a new car – it’s easy to have a grateful state of mind, but what happens when tragedy strikes – the death of a loved one, unemployment, financial fear, the old car breaks down – and everything and everyone seems to be against us.
My youngest son, Jeremy, died in May of 2020. Let me be clear, I am not grateful for his death. It’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced. Parents who have lost a child know what I mean. The grief feels insurmountable and honestly, I don’t think it ever goes away. I still have moments when a song is played, I glance at one of his paintings, or my grandkids talk about how much they miss him when the sadness burst into my day and I feel as emotionally raw as the day I received the phone that he was gone. It’s a constant reminder of loss. It feels sacrilegious, or even hateful, to find gratitude in such a thing.
However, there’s immense gratitude for what happened after Jeremy died. God had placed all the people in my life that would help me walk through this tragedy. My friend and sponsor, Edgar, had lost his own son some twenty-two years earlier. He was the second person I called (the first was my wife) as I drove to my oldest granddaughter’s house to tell her the news. Over the following months he answered every phone call and walked me through the pain. He had been there before. He shared my pain and gave of himself to offer healing and hope during a dark time.
Moreover, two of our friend’s circle lost their sons as well, one to an opiate overdose like Jeremy. I could share with him the little experience I had. Helping others helps me. We were all there for one another – something I will be eternally grateful for.
Most recently, this last year has been one I don’t wish to repeat for a myriad of reasons. Funding cuts began in January. I had to lay off my staff. My paychecks were few and far between causing huge financial difficulty for both the farm and our personal finances.
In April, I blew my left knee out. Subsequent doctor appointments revealed that both knees were now bone on bone, a knee replacement was my last option, and pain became a daily issue. The farmers markets have been much slower, a reflection of a weakening economy, and sales have been down. In October, my Volunteer Coordinator quit suddenly with no explanation. After five years she had become a friend, and her loss was hurtful. I now had to give up Saturday morning markets to be there for volunteers already on the schedule. To make matters worse, my planned knee surgery fell through and it would be next November before I could again take time off for recovery. There were more than a few dark days for me. Why would anyone find gratitude in such a year?
I scaled back, took on only what I could handle, and we’ve had more volunteer groups than in past years. What wasn’t sold was donated to some great local organizations and we’ve still managed to keep moving forward. We still yielded produce totals like the year before with less land and labor. Funding has increased (we’re a non-profit farm) and new market opportunities have arisen to help us better meet our mission of improving food access for our neighbors. We saw new grants relieve the payroll anxiety thanks to Texas Health Community Hope and the North Texas Communities Foundation (more on that to come this week!) we are greeting the new year on a firm footing.
I’ve been able to let go of the hurt (it’s taken awhile) and disruption of (our Volunteer Coordinator) Stacey’s sudden departure and work with some amazing volunteers I’d been missing for the last few months. My knees still hurt but not like they were. Work is much more tolerable. A bit slower perhaps but that may be age over injury. Who’s to say?
I’m grateful for what this year has brought to me. I’m still out there every day doing the best I can and far better than expected. I’m able to keep moving and I’ve learned that my physical (and sometimes emotional) limits are not nearly as bad as I thought. I’m getting much better at thanking God “no matter what happens”.
It’s often simply a matter of perspective – whether one sees difficulty as a problem or as an opportunity. Living in a state of gratitude helps shift one’s perspective. Sometimes I only learn to be grateful looking back at how God had blessed and stood by me. One of my favorite quotes is from Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford commencement speech, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward “. Many times, I stumble through the dark times until I look back and see how I’ve been loved and cared for. I’m getting better staying in the moment…
There’s an abundance of studies and articles about the benefits of gratitude, but I choose a very simple definition: gratitude isn’t just a noun. The dictionary may not say it, but it’s a verb as well. It’s not just a state of mind, but an action word. Sometimes placing one foot in front of another is the simplest form of gratitude one can have. My prayer for us all is that we may truly come to “Thank God no matter what happens”.
What a Nice Surprise
(Side Note – I just saw that my last post was on June 1st. June is always busy with all the Juneteenth activities hosted by Unity Unlimited, Inc. and Opal’s Farm. Just as a side note to all those I follow regularly – I have fallen so far behind your posts and emails that I’ve had to send them to the archives in the hope that someday I may time to read them. That’s one of the most difficult parts of this month as it deepens the sense of disconnection from the people I most enjoy. Please know that I think of you all often and hope to stay current going forward into July.)
June may be busy but it has also been full of hope and joy during a time when so many folks are struggling under the onus of grief, anger, and depression caused by the chaos, hatefulness, and uncertainty coming from Washington D.C. on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. In response to this madness, large rallies and protests were held around the country, from small villages and towns to major cities, on June 14th called “No Kings Day”. Even here in Fort Worth, a crowd of around 7500 people met at Burkburnett Park and marched through downtown Fort Worth in a peaceful, non-violent protest. The turnout was quite unexpected in this extremely conservative, deeply red, city. Moreover, it was a widely diverse crowd including moderates, progressives, and even some conservatives who stand against the heavy-handed authoritarianism coming from the current administration.
This may not sound like a big deal compared to other crowds around the country, but even during the height of the protests when George Floyd was brutally murdered in 2020, the crowd size never grew over two thousand. Perhaps more folks are beginning to see behind the MAGA curtain and becoming willing to act. I can only hope.
I was asked to speak at the rally (which was advertised as non-partisan, mind you) about the importance of changing our local food system in light of all the events we struggle with today and the importance of being able to grow our own food. I’ve always believed that planting a garden is a revolutionary act. It changes the perception of both the grower and the food system itself. Local food is a threat to the old ways of the distribution of ultra-processed, unhealthy, food void of proper nutrients, particularly in vulnerable urban neighborhoods.
Juneteenth was only a few days later and there was no shortage of Juneteenth activities this year even though many other cities cancelled or cutback their celebrations this year. Ms. Opal Lee’s annual “Walk for Freedom” was supported by over 2600 walkers this year in Fort Worth; not the mention those that participated in our host cities – New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Tokyo, Japan – or walked virtually in their own towns across the country and the world. I got a post from New Zealand about a young lady whose family joined in the walk despite the twenty-hour time difference!
We finished the week on Sunday with Sen. Bernie Sanders and the “Fighting Oligarchy” tour at Dickies Arena here in Fort Worth. His commitment to speaking to truth in deeply red states is sorely needed and appreciated in times like these. I’m a firm believer that had the DNC party apparatus not blocked him from of the 2016 Presidential nomination in favor of Hillary Clinton, things would be much different today. Just saying…
The events of this June here in conservative Tarrant County, Texas have given me a glimmer of hope. These days I will take hope wherever and however I find it. I think we all should. The constant onslaught of chaos and immoral policies (note that these are immoral, not simple political policies and choices – I’m not speaking from a political framework) drives us all to a state of hopelessness. That’s exactly where the powers that be want us to be. It’s easier to control and hurt quiet people. Thanks Fort Worth for making your voice louder this month. Now let’s get louder…
Buy Local – Now More Than Ever
I apologize for not posting regularly over the last couple of months. Opal’s Farm is going through several changes right now – most notably in staff. Recent cuts to USDA funding and January resignations have left the farm work to myself, my Volunteer Coordinator, Stacey Harwood, and a small number of volunteers. We are still on track for all our Spring planting and looking forward to a great harvest.
The bipolar Texas weather hasn’t helped even though it has kept things interesting. The freezing weather one week and in the eighties the next caused some of the winter crops to bolt. That was followed by seventy-two hours of sub-freezing weather and the plants took it much harder than the first round of freezes. The good news is that it looks like we’ve had our last hard freeze. Tomatoes are coming on the 17th and the rest of Spring planting is underway. We’re looking forward to bringing the Spring harvest to market!
I would also like to take a moment to talk about the many non-profit organizations working in agriculture and food systems. They have endured financial hardships due to the recent changes at the USDA. Some programs that aid farmers and farm organizations have been shut down indefinitely as funding has been frozen or eliminated entirely. Economic uncertainty faces us all.
The average age of a farmer in Texas is sixty-two. Part of our mission is to incubate new farms and train new farmers. American Farmland Trust has a slogan that says it all: “No farms. No food”. Please consider the importance of our local farmers, the healthy fresh produce they bring to our community, and the education they bring to the next generation of farmers, both urban and rural.
I’ve spent the last two months with our “Taste the C.U.R.E.” students and seen the interest and willingness to be part of the grower’s community. Not only do they want healthy food for themselves, but they want to feed their neighbors. Urban agriculture is a growing alternative to high food prices and the ultra-processed food found at the big grocery stores. We hope the movement continues to grow and that you can become a part of it.
You can support your local farmers and food system through financial donations, calling your elected representatives, volunteering at a local farm, or simply shopping local at your local farmers market or farm stand. Not only is local produce healthier, it ensures that food access is available to your community. Food access is not a “DEI” issue. It should be available to all of us. Healthy food is a basic human right. Your local farmers are working long hours to feed us all. Buy local and support your local farm!
gregoryjoel.com 