Category: Connection

Belief, Bible, Christian Mysticism, Christianity, Connection, Faith, Giving, Goodness, Grace, Gratitude, Love, Meditation, Recovery, Spirituality, Thoughts From the Porch

Ash Wednesday

gregoryjoel

This past Wednesday, Ash Wednesday, marked the start of Lent. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “Lent. noun. ˈlent. : a period of fasting and regret for one’s sins that is observed on the 40 weekdays from Ash Wednesday to Easter by many churches.” It’s a time when Christians are to focus on the Three Pillars of Lent: prayer, fasting, and “almsgiving” – which can best be summed up as compassion. Great things for believers but I grew up in one of the churches that didn’t celebrate Lent, or anything else on the church liturgical calendar for that matter.

When I was exposed to other folks that participated in Lent, I had to look it up to find out what it was. It sounded kind of trite to me. You know, give something up for forty days. That was no big deal. Anyone could do that. Besides, we don’t celebrate those things that aren’t mentioned in the Bible, right?

It wasn’t until I was in college that I began to broaden my theological (and socio-political) horizons. I’m told that rebellion (which is one of the few things I excelled at) was essential for turning one’s religious values from those of one’s parents into one’s that are personal. It was a rather lengthy process for me – forty-nine years and counting – to come to very real, very deep understanding of my relationship to God and my fellows – to make my faith my own.

I no longer attend church regularly. When I do (which is quite infrequently) it’s usually somewhere I’ve been asked to go with friends or the A.M.E. church Ms. Opal attends. I’ve come to believe that my real church lives in recovery rooms, many places of worship, and in nature, especially the farm. It’s where I can get centered and act compassionately on a daily basis – serving others and the common good. That’s what Jesus meant by loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself.

Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash

Though I don’t attend regularly I’ve come to celebrate the liturgical calendar far more than I ever did. I celebrate Advent, Christmas, Easter, and an awareness of others, but honestly, I’ve never got the Lent thing down. Those three pillars they talk about are things I try to incorporate into my daily life (well, not so much the fasting…). However, I do read Lenten devotionals to start my day during this time. I read one recently that gave me a new perspective on Lent.

It was a sermon by one of my favorite authors and pastors, Diane Butler Bass. She talked about “practicing the cross”. Practicing the resurrection is what Easter’s always meant to me, but practicing the cross – living prayer, fasting, and compassion – was the way of Jesus on his journey to the crucifixion. “Practicing” was a way of becoming more centered, more loving, and more like the Rabbi I try to follow.

I can get with that, and forty days of intense practice makes it more likely I can become more of the human being I want to be.

“By practicing our faith, we actually become all the things we promise to be in our baptism vows, we become citizens of the Kingdom of God, the radical followers who embody the beloved community that Jesus proclaimed.” – Diane Butler Bass

This year, Lent takes on a new meaning for me, starting with Ash Wednesday – a reminder that I too, will return to the ashes and dust God made this human body out of. It reminds me that the values I practice through daily prayer and meditation will translate to right action that has positive effects on the world I presently walk in. It also reminds me that I haven’t reached a goal, an end point. I still need to practice, and I will make a lot of mistakes. Then I just practice some more…

“When you practice some kind of appetite-denying discipline to better concentrate on God, don’t make a production out of it. It might turn you into a small-time celebrity, but it won’t make you a saint. If you “go into training” inwardly, act normal outwardly. Shampoo and comb your hair, brush your teeth, wash your face. God doesn’t require attention-getting devices. He won’t overlook what you’re doing; he’ll reward you well. Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or – even worse – stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasures in heaven, where it’s safe from moths and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being there.” Matthew 6:16-21 (The Message)

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Burrrr…

gregoryjoel

The scene beyond my window is rather drab. A blast of cold Arctic air exploded across North Texas yesterday afternoon. It brought with it the cutting icy North wind that plagues the Southern plains every winter. The “feels like” temperatures this morning were in the single digits and they’re predicting eighty-plus hours below freezing and sleet for this evening. Folks in these parts are understandably nervous. Ice brings out the worst in Texas drivers and the memory of Winter Storm Uri in 2021 is still fresh to anyone who lived here then. The power grid crashed, Texans went for days without power and water, and 246 people died from storm-related issues.

Last year saw a major ice storm at the end of January. We were at the Texas Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association Conference in Dallas and left early because of the roads. One of our employees ended up staying at the motel that night. One night turned into a week. Texans do not do well in cold weather. It doesn’t storm often but when it does look out!

Fortunately, we’ve had ample time to prepare for this Arctic visitor. Store shelves are empty of non-perishables and bottled water. Gas tanks are full and homes lucky enough to have a generator are standing by. People take the weather forecast a bit more seriously since the winter of ’21.

( Opal’s Farm and the frozen Trinity River February 2021 )

Personally, I haven’t had much time to prepare our house. I still must make a run to Home Depot. My neighbor said they had some outdoor faucet covers hidden in the back of the store. Information like that is like finding gold. We try to take care of each other in our neighborhood. I have, however, taken steps to prepare Opal’s Farm the best we can to save our winter crops. Frost cloth has been double-spread on the bio-intensive section and several of the hundred-foot rows. Prayers have been said, fingers have been crossed, and if I had a rabbit’s foot, I’m sure I’d be holding it close. We’ll keep you posted…

On a lighter, and somewhat warmer note (it was cool but warmer yesterday), we moved Opal’s Farm Stand hours to Saturday afternoons from 1:30 PM to 4:00 PM. We found his to be more convenient for our neighbors and the traffic on Sylvania isn’t rushing between jobs. We had several customers yesterday afternoon. This complements our mornings at Cowtown Farmers Market and our delivery for Hao’s Grocery and Café. We can harvest once a week to bring quality fresh produce to our community.

Anyway…

My fur-babies don’t seem to be bothered by the single-digit temperatures. They are out running around and playing as I sit here. Sitting here watching them got me to thinking about this blog. I’ve always called it “Thoughts From the Porch” because that was the place my thoughts and coffee ran freely since this journey began. I no longer spend my mornings on the front porch. It’s not because it’s cold. When you smoke it really doesn’t matter if it’s the summer Texas heat or the winter freeze, you’re driven to suffer outside.

However, that changed on November 1st of last year. That’s the day I quit smoking. I’ve been cigarette-less since then. The cravings have become less severe most of the time. The operative word being “most”. Other days – not so much. Staying off the porch has been a good move so here I sit. I still get a good view of the world through the patio door next to my office. It’s a constant reminder of God’s goodness and grace in our lives.

Maybe it’s time to find another name for this? Let me know your thoughts!

Please stay warm and safe through this cold snap. Stay inside, make it a family day or a day of introspection. Enjoy the time and pray the lights don’t go out…

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Egrets, Yep, Egrets

gregoryjoel

I’m sitting at home alone tonight. That’s not a bad thing. It just is. Margaret has been in the hospital and moved to a rehab hospital for a couple of weeks. I’ve daily trips to the hospital, Opal’s Farm, the hospital, and back home to work. Add to that all the Juneteenth festivities and I can safely say its’ been a crazy busy June!

I’m harvesting between 400 and 600 pounds of tomatoes per week since everything started to come in during May. Sales have been great at the market, but with so many tomatoes I’ve had to start selling them to another non-profit that serves the WIC clinics in Dallas and to the Tarrant Area Food Bank. Delivering to Dallas has not been one of my favorite tasks although I love the folks at Owenwood Farm. I still maintain that the best thing to come out of Dallas is Interstate Thirty West…

Needless to say, this is the first opportunity I’ve had to sit down and write for the last two months. It’s also the first chance I’ve had to catch up with many of the blogs I follow as well and sit down to go through my personal email account. If you haven’t seen a like or comment, please don’t take it personal. I simply haven’t had time to read.

 I’ve said all that so I can now talk about what’s been on my mind the last month – Egrets. Yep, birds. After a couple of months of silence, one would think I have more to say but… Egrets -those beautiful, long-legged white birds related to Herons. We used to call them cowbirds when I was little because of the way they hung around, and on, the cattle to eat insect pests. I see them frequently at the farm. Mostly nesting and wading about searching for food on the far bank of the Trinity River.

Photo by Mohan Nannapaneni on Pexels.com

We even have some state wildlife and research students with a tracker following the birds they’ve tagged. I’m happy to report that they shall have an abundance of birds to tag this year. There was an unusually heavy baby boom this Spring. The farm is often covered in groups of young Egrets walking about and I’ve become acquainted with some of them. At least I think I have…

This probably doesn’t mean anything to anyone else, but since my cataract surgery in May I’ve been able to see better than I have in many years. My vision is so clear now that I’ve been able to see things I’ve never noticed before like Egrets and their personalities. I’m fully aware of the human tendency to anthropomorphize other creatures but I’m convinced they are much like us – at least the young ones anyway.

Juvenile Egrets are smaller in stature as young ones tend to be. Unlike their parents (who by the way both take care of the nesting and young) they aren’t all white. They have a tan section on their head, breast, back feathers. Occasionally they will raise their head feathers to reveal a small, tan mohawk. It fades to white as they grow older. They always hang around in groups of ten to fifteen. They have one young guy who they’ve appointed leader – they seem to follow pretty much everywhere. If he moves north, they all move north, if he takes off, they all take off in file behind him – that is, all except for one.

I love this little guy – I imagine him to be a bird version of me. He’s always the last one to fly or walk away when I come down the road or walk up to the pumphouse. I can relate. I was usually the one picked last or left behind. The others sense danger approaching and tend to take off as soon as I get close, but this little guy hangs around. He’s allowed me to get closer each day. Each day he grows more curious about this big, flightless biped that talks to him as if we share the same language. His head tilts one way and then the other. He’s even ventured a couple of steps toward me if I stand still long enough. I’m sure passers-by would find me a tad insane standing in a field talking to a bird. I’m okay with that. The young fellow makes for good company on a hot day.

Over the last week the groups of young birds have gotten smaller and less frequent. It appears that most have moved on to do what it is that Egrets do. I’d move on too with the triple-digit heat we’ve had of late – at least somewhere with some shade. There’s been some hangers-on. I’m sure they live with mom and dad. Most of the remaining young birds are professional students of some kind – they never seem to graduate and move out on their own. That’s been my experience anyway…

I wish them all well as they move on to adult things. I’ll miss my companions but like everything else in life, there are seasons for everything and everyone. The farm is a great teacher about the cycle of life all flora and fauna, and people, go through. It’s also been a sage, teaching me how interconnected the world is – how interdependent we are. I learn daily the need for responsible stewardship and just how awesome God’s creation is.

With that I’m off to the farm to irrigate. We’re fortunate that our water is virtually free. It takes a lot to survive the Texas summer, especially in the days of climate change and warming temperatures. The UV rays of the sun have been exceptionally strong this year – a constant reminder of the new normal and our responsibility to keep it from getting worse. After all, I want to have the Egrets around to talk to for a long time…

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Enough is Enough

gregoryjoel

I sat on the porch this morning drinking coffee and soaking in the morning. It’s been sprinkling off and on all morning but not enough to keep the mockingbirds and the doves from their vibrant singing and cooing. It’s been unseasonably cool and overcast this morning, but the birds reminded me Spring is really here.

It’s times like these I see how blessed I am. I most certainly don’t deserve it. I spent most of my life making poor choices and living the way addiction dictated how I live. It wasn’t until almost twenty years ago that I finally surrendered, choosing life, and living in the Spirit as best I can. I haven’t been wealthy – this is not another “Prosperity Gospel” tale – but I’ve always had enough. Enough truly is enough…

I was speaking with a friend the other day. They have lived a life of escaping poverty. They grew up in the rural Midwest where the average income was less than ten thousand dollars a year (substantially less) and they didn’t even have electricity for many years of their young life. It’s still difficult for me to remember that there were (and are) people who lived like that in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. As a result, they spend time worrying about never having enough and the fear of losing what they have.

I have also lived in poverty in the past, but mine was of my own making. It was something I never imagined growing up in an upper middle-class home in the suburbs. The fear and constant looking over my shoulder and harming the very ones I loved was something I never intended, but it became more real as my addiction progressed. I often fail to understand the trauma that comes with poverty forced on someone by birthplace and circumstance. I can’t pretend to know the fear that comes with falling back into such a state. I can, however, be present to the reality of my friend.

I believe that has led to so much introspection over the last few weeks. Most of the fear has been removed through my years of recovery. I’m no longer confused. As Brennan Manning says, “Everything is grace.” I have what I have, not because of my own efforts, but because God has graciously provided enough – enough of life’s necessities so I can share and be of service to those around me. I work hard because I have something to offer the world around me. As such, it’s become much easier to live in the world and to be present.

Photo by Hugo Magalhaes on Pexels.com

Saint Francis said, “Above all the grace and gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self.” It constantly amazes me when I find joy in driving in rush hour traffic because the bluebonnets and other wildflowers are in full bloom along the side of the freeway. When I let go of who I think I am, both when I have an over-inflated ego or tell myself I’m the scum of the Earth – I’m free to acknowledge what a loving God thinks of me. I see the God lives in everything that surrounds me.

“We have very little, so we have nothing to be preoccupied with. The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have, the more free you are.”

– Mother Teresa

As I sit at my desk writing this morning, I have four dogs sleeping all around my feet. Ricky and Lucy – the “twins” have exhausted themselves playing together. Jameson is laid across my feet, most likely keeping me working (I’m afraid to move but my foot’s going to sleep!). Sadie is gently snoring by my side. I’m not sure life will get any better. They remind me constantly that I’m important to them and somehow, it’s a constant reminder that God loves me unconditionally. They remind me that “everything is grace” …

If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count more than birds.

Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller. All this time and money wasted on fashion – do you think it makes much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby beside them.

If God gives such attention to the wildflowers… don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do what’s best for you. What I’m trying to do is get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving… Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your human concerns will be met.”

Matthew 6.27-33 (The Message – Jesus quoted by Eugene Peterson)