Gratitude – Page 39 – gregoryjoel.com

Acceptance, Belief, Bible, Christianity, Christmas, Connection, Elders, Emotional Health, Faith, Family, Generations, Gifts, Grace, Grandchildren, Gratitude, Grief, Honor, Monday Mornings, Parents, Peace, Prayer, Quotes, Recovery, Self-Acceptance, Serenity, Spirituality, Stories, The Holidays, Thoughts From the Porch, Writing

Sorrow and a Few Regrets?

December 23, 2019 gregoryjoel

Thoughts From the Porch

Winter officially arrived at 10:19 Saturday night. That must be why it’s not cold enough to freeze but still a wet cold that pierces the skin and settles in the bones. Such is winter in North Texas. I’ve been here all, but seventeen years, of my life and I’m still not used to it. At least it’s warming up for the rest of Christmas week…

A box with Christmas floral arrangements arrived the other day. My sister in Georgia sent them. She asked me to place them at the cemetery for Mom and Dad. My sister is far better at remembering things like that than I am. It’s not that special days aren’t special. It’s usually because I’m so forgetful. I never seem to think of birthdays and holidays until the day before or the day of. If I’m totally honest then I must admit sometimes the day passes and it doesn’t dawn on me until two or three days later. I’d love to blame it on my past neurological issues. The reality is that I’ve always been that way with holidays.

I go to the cemetery regularly. Sometimes it’s just a quiet place to pray and meditate, but mostly I go to talk to Mom and Dad. I’m quite sure they hear me loud and clear although their place in time and space limits my ability to hear them. I can only settle for memories of conversations long past.

I took the flowers to the cemetery. I went to place them in the vase above the headstone only to find the vase broken again. It had cracked once before and I guess I need a different epoxy glue for the marble marker. There were two arrangements, one for Mom, one for Dad. It didn’t seem right to only acknowledge their markers. After all, it’s a family plot. I certainly couldn’t overlook Grandmother, so I placed the two arrangements at opposite sides of the family headstone and stepped back to check the placement. Now everyone was honored…

I wished them each a Merry Christmas and tried to leave but I could not. I felt the tears well up and erupt in a sudden explosion of grief. Honestly, I was a bit shaken by it all. It’s been seventeen years since Dad passed and seven years of Christmas without Mom. My sister moved her to Georgia five years before her death since she required more care than I could offer here at home. At least I had some time to ease into the holidays without either of my parents.

“All my life’s a circle, sunrise and sundown…” – Harry Chapin

The cycle of life goes on. Birth, life, death. Rinse and repeat, right? It is what it is. We all die and experience the death of those close to us. I’m generally in acceptance of the whole affair. Grieving is something we all do. I still think about my parents on almost a daily basis, but it’s usually happy memories and I’m at peace. I guess that’s why I felt so blindsided by the sadness that poured over me. I simply wasn’t expecting it. Grief has a way of doing that…

When Mom passed in 2017, I walked through the grieving process with the help of family and friends. The strong relationship with God, forged by recovery, afforded me that opportunity. Mom got to watch the miracle of my recovery unfold in her later years. Staring at the headstones for the rest of those in our family plot, I realized no one else could say that (except for Uncle Bynam, who died at Anzio in World War Two – born at the end of the “War to end all wars” and died in the next one – the irony isn’t lost on me, but that’s another story for another time…). Sorrow and regret washed over me.

My life, for the most part, is free of regrets. Acceptance and a relationship with a loving God helped me deal with the demons of the past; especially those of my own creation…). Life doesn’t allow “do-overs” and I’m okay with that. I made amends where I could, accepted those I couldn’t, and received and gave forgiveness to others and myself to the best of my ability. Most days, I live in the present and the future is bright. It is what it is…

Standing there in front of the family plot reminded me of what I do regret, what I wish could have been different. I wish with all my heart my Dad, not to mention my uncles and Grandmother, could see me today. My faith says they do, but it’s not quite the same as having them physically here.

Contrary to popular belief, “time doesn’t heal all wounds”. It merely closes them up, scars over, and aches from time to time It’s like my knee surgeries. I’ve recovered from the injury, but they still hurt from time to time. Grief will come at unexpected times and with no expiration date stamped on it.

When it does it’s often accompanied by regret, but my perspective has changed. Instead of the old “if only” inner dialogue, I’m reminded I can’t correct the past, but I can change my future: a future I’m pleased to live out under the gaze of those I love.

I stood there until the tears subsided. I said my goodbyes and wished those I love a Merry Christmas. I would’ve wished them a Happy New Year as well, but I’m convinced that has little meaning for them now. God’s time is measured differently.

As I turned to leave, the wind, which had been absent a moment before, blew fiercely through the surrounding trees. The Tibetan Book of the Dead says that when a great a soul dies the winds blow mightily. It happened on the night of my father’s death and every time I’ve visited the cemetery since. I like to think it’s his way of saying, “I’m proud of you, Son. Keep doing what you’re doing”. The tears began again. This time they were tears of gratitude and joy…

“That’s why we can be so sure that every detail of our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8.28

Belief, Bible, Children, Choices, Christian Mysticism, Christianity, Emotional Health, Faith, Gifts, Grace, Gratitude, Honor, Hope, Prayer, Quotes, Relationships, Self-Acceptance, Serenity, Serevice to Others, Spirituality, Thoughts From the Porch, Transformation, What Can I Do

“The purpose of the divine therapy is the healing of the roots of all our problems and to transform our attitudes and, indeed, the whole of our human nature into the mind and heart of Christ.” —Thomas Keating

December 21, 2019 gregoryjoel

Climate Change, Community, Conservation, Creation, Donations, Down On the Farm, Environment, Fighting Poverty, Food Deserts, Food Equality, Food Insecurity, Food Justice, God's Economics, Gratitude, Health, Hope, Monday Mornings, Non-Profits, Nutrition, Opal's Farm, Plowing, Preparation, Regeneration, Seasons, Service Organizations, Service to Others, Transformation, Trinity River, Uncategorized, Unity Unlimited, Inc., Urban Farming, Volunteers, What Can I Do

Hold On, Spring’s Coming

December 16, 2019March 21, 2020 gregoryjoel

Down on the Farm

What an incredible week! Opal’s Farm truly is a community effort. We’re so proud to be a part of such a vibrant community; people committed to food justice and healthy food for all. Things have really been happening, especially since Giving Tuesday. Thank each one of you who donated on Giving Tuesday, both through our social media pages and through our website, www.unityunlimited.org.

Tender young growth tips of Austrian winter peas. The greens taste like sweet sugar snap peas, but have the texture of lettuce. The pea pods are also good young, or left to mature and used as dried peas, can be used to make an unforgettable split pea soup. — Austrian Snow (or winter) Peas

Winter doesn’t slow us down at Opal’s Farm. The Kohlrabi seed generously provided by The Taste Project is coming in as well as sugar snap peas, green peas, spinach, cabbage, and carrots. We’re also trying a new cover crop this winter – Austrian Snow Peas.

What are those you ask?

Austrian Snow Peas are part of the legume family. They help fix nitrogen into the soil and their long-term flowering is attractive to pollinators. They grow slowly in the winter, withstanding harsh frosts, but grow quickly in the Spring helping with weed control. Not only are they a great cover crop, they also provide great winter greens. The shoots and young pods taste like sugar snap peas with a texture like lettuce. Most of us aren’t familiar with them, but area chefs will be delighted!

Building the Soil

We’ve also been busy preparing for Spring planting. Believe it or not, it’s only two months until potatoes and onions go in! Thank you, Charlie Blaylock (Shines Farmstand), for helping us in preparing and planning for our Spring crops.

Good soil health is critical for regenerative, organic farming. The best way to build the soil is through composting. We’ve been busy spreading compost over our beds with light hay covering to aid our Spring crops.

Spreading compost to improve soil health

Brittany Rosenberg and the City of Fort Worth Code Compliance Department’s Rethinking Waste program has helped us with picking up compostable food waste from places like Sur La Table (thanks Danielle!). They’re working on other sources to help with our composting as well as limiting what goes into our local landfills. Talk about an all-around win-win!

The Tarrant Area Food Bank has been a great source of support for Opal’s Farm. Lauren Hickman works with their teaching garden and the Cooking Matters program at TAFB. With Lauren’s assistance we are now picking up compostable food waste from the Culinary School of Fort Worth. We can’t even begin to put into words how grateful we are for Lauren and the Culinary School of Fort Worth. Their help is making a huge impact on what we will be able to do with our Spring planting!

***Just so you know… the Culinary School of Fort Worth took the initiative to begin composting on their own. They provided an easy system for TAFB and Opal’s Farm to pick up compost and return the containers on a regular schedule. We’d love to talk to your store or restaurant.

Last, but most certainly not least, we are so thankful to be a part of Grow Southeast. A very special thanks to the Healthy Tarrant County Collaboration and Roderick Miles from County Commissioner Brook’s office for their commitment to urban farming and the health and vitality of our neighborhoods. This week they helped us secure an end-dump truckload of compost from Silver Creek Materials. I can already taste the tomatoes that will be growing in those beds this Spring!

Thank you Tarrant County Healthy Collaboration!

I could go on and on. The list seems endless. Thank you so much for the love and support you’ve brought to us in this, our first year of farming. We’d love to have you come out and “play in the dirt” with us. Go to the Opal’s Farm page at www.unityunlimited.org for a volunteer sign-up or to donate today.

Come on down. Overalls are optional…

Belief, Bible, Christianity, Christmas, Creation, Emotional Health, Faith, Family, Grace, Gratitude, Hope, Jesus, Peace, Prayer, Role Models, Self-Acceptance, Serenity, Simplicity, Spirituality, Storytelling, The Holidays, Thoughts From the Porch

It Really is a Wonderful Life

December 11, 2019 gregoryjoel

Thoughts from the Porch

Dropping in at our local big box retailer this weekend reminded me the Christmas season has begun in earnest. Despite the media prophecies of retail’s slow, painful death it was readily apparent that not everyone has switched to online shopping.

I try to avoid such visits any time of year but especially at Christmas time. They’re a reminder of all things negative about the Holidays: crowded stores, pushy and frustrated shoppers, rampant consumerism – the list goes on. In a season of giving, faith, and family I have a difficult time with all the hurried rudeness, impatience, and meltdown tantrums by parents and children alike.

That being said…

I got cover crops in at Opal’s Farm before the cold front and accompanying rain passed through yesterday. The rain meant I would have all day to catch-up on emails, callbacks, and write. All was going according to plan when I made a grave mistake. I walked through the living room to go out to my truck for a moment my wife was watching “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It was at the point in the movie where Jimmy Stewart’s character, a suicidal George Bailey, jumps off the bridge only to be rescued by his guardian angel, Clarence.

I won’t bore you with a retelling of the story. Who in the world hasn’t seen “It’s a Wonderful Life” anyway? It’s one of my all-time favorites. One can never see it too often. Suffice to say that all my plans immediately fell to the wayside. I sat down in the chair and didn’t get up until the end of the movie. I mentioned this mistake to my friend Charlie. He reminded me that it wasn’t a mistake, but time well spent…

In the movie, as in every good story, calamity strikes, and George Bailey is backed into a corner. He cries out, “I wish I’d never have been born”. I can relate. I’ve been there: that dark place where the proverbial ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ is a bullet train locomotive closing fast. Everything and everyone would be better off if I weren’t here. In George Bailey’s case (and mine) divine intervention says otherwise…

My favorite part of the film is when Clarence ends his “never been born” vision and an ecstatic George runs through town shouting Merry Christmas to people and buildings alike. He’s part of life once again and never has he been so grateful for his wonderful life. He knows that a warrant has been issued for his arrest. He doesn’t care. Sounds like surrender to me. All I want is to live. My life is incredible no matter what happens…

His surrender is met by a myriad of friends and family who come together to save him from disaster and the arrest warrant. By the time the bell rings (and Clarence gets his wings) and everyone breaks out in a joyful rendition of “Auld Lang Syne” I’m bawling like a baby (at least on the inside – I still don’t like to cry in front of people. It’s that old “guy” thing…). As one whose been rescued from a life of desperation and degradation I am flooded with gratitude no matter how many times I’ve seen the movie.

The Never Ending Story

Maybe that’s why “It’s a Wonderful Life” has become a Christmas tradition for so many people. Like Christmas itself, it shines a ray of light, a ray of hope, into an oft dark world. It reminds us that, while the war may not be over, hang in there because good will ultimately triumph. That’s the general theme in any good story. God has been telling and retelling that story throughout human history. Every writer, every good storyteller, simply puts a different spin on the story He’s been writing for eternity. It makes since to me since we were created in His image.

Sometimes frustration with the consumer culture that surrounds Christmas gets in the way. Sometimes I simply to hear another retelling of the eternal story. I get back on track. I remember the “greatest story ever told”. Suddenly, Christmas becomes alive again. God came down to live with us. He loves us and sent a reminder that a new heaven and a new earth is not only possible, but certain. Love will win out, and, as the Apostle John reminds us, what is God but love?

As I sit here at my trusty old roll top desk this morning I’m filled with an overwhelming sense of awe and gratitude. The creator of the universe came down as one of us! He lived among us and showed us what it is to truly love one another. He showed us that a new way was possible. He reminded us that Abba hears our cries even when we think He doesn’t. Above all, He reminds us that the story has already been written so we can enjoy life and enjoy abundantly. It really is a wonderful life I have today.

I’m going back to the big box store later. I don’t know if the craziness has changed but my perspective has. Christmas has a way of doing that, especially when I remember what Christmas truly means.

“Emmanuel – God with us…”

#GivingTuesday, Choices, Community, Connection, Creation, Down On the Farm, Environment, Faith, Fighting Poverty, Food Deserts, Food Equality, Food Insecurity, Food Justice, God's Economics, Gratitude, Non-Profits, Nutrition, Opal's Farm, Regeneration, Responsibility, Service Organizations, Service to Others, Social Justice, Transformation, Trinity River, Unity Unlimited, Inc., Urban Farming, Volunteers, What Can I Do

It’s Giving Tuesday!

December 3, 2019March 21, 2020 gregoryjoel

Down on the Farm

I sat down to check emails before I wrote this. I was astounded by the volume of emails I received about Giving Tuesday. I sat down to write this and, if I’m honest, I wondered if Opal’s Farm email or post would even be read today. We’d be just another one of many organizations working to make our world just a bit better. So many options…

We can’t compete with the big NGOs or service organizations. We are a small but growing (no pun intended) urban farm seeking to bring fresh, healthy food to folks that often don’t have it available. We simply believe that an urban farm can change lives and build community. Our five-acre farm makes a difference!

I could give you all the reasons you need to choose Unity Unlimited, Inc. and Opal’s Farm on this special day of giving. I won’t bore you with all the statistics and needs. I’ll just let you know that every dollar you give today is doubled, matched dollar for dollar. We need your help more than ever as we expand our growing area to reach more of your neighbors.

So please push the donate button right now or go the www.unityunlimited.org/opalsfarm to make your secure Giving Tuesday contribution. When you’ve done that come out and join us at Opal’s Farm and see how your contribution is making Fort Worth a better place – one neighborhood at a time.